Change is good, when you're open to it.

1:10 AM Friday, January 30, 2009

I'm sorry.

Losing a family member is not a good thing.

You make it sound so easy for us.

Never even spare a thought for your family.

You did this before, and now I don't know how exactly to react.

It's childish.

Foolish.

You chose your path, now have it your way.

I don't know what to do.

Perhaps we'll be cordial.

You are still who you are to me, no matter what arguments we had.

But I'm sorry, even then things won't be the same.

There, what's done is done.

We lead new lives now.

Hmm.. Tomorrow's friday.

I miss my sayang!

I think he's super knocked out cos he had a really long day today at school.

Perhaps teaching is not his cup of tea. Lol!

Not sure if it's for me either.

I can teach tuition, one to one.

But I have no idea what will happen when it's the whole class against me.

I think i'll be able to meet sayang on Sunday.

Provided I finish my work & the revision that I want to do.

I gotta stop sleeping late, or not I won't be able to wake up for school.

Have movie screening tomorrow!

I hope it's not boring.

I think one of them is howl's castle.

I should have watched it when sayang rented the cds last year!

*Knocks my head*

Speaking of my head, it's getting a little better.

Though the swell is still there.

Played soccer with my cousin, sister and my sayang + his students & some strangers.

Was fun!

Have a good weekend y'all!

I need to meet my sex-god boyfriend soon!

(haha, internal joke! :P)

1:35 PM Sunday, January 25, 2009

time to get cracking!

My muscles are aching from badminton now.

Shows how weak i am!

Lol.

Today is sunday.

I will study today, i will start revision today.

Chop chop no time.

Stay home study sunday!

i don't want things to repeat for me. i don't want my kids to go through the same thing as i did.

I want my children to grow up in a good environment.

I want my husband and I to love each other deeply and truly till we get really really old.

And no cold wars, we'll talk it out with each other.

Especially not quarreling in front of the children.

And definitely will not want to make my children get stucked in the middle.

Sometimes I get really scared.

Cos I don't want all of this to repeat again.

They always tell me to be careful.

I know there are bound to be lots of challenges later.

But perhaps, with god's will, things can be solved in a different manner.

I'll love my husband and my kids.

And protect them with all my life.

I really don't want to get them involved in another broken family syndrome.

Sometimes it's fine, but when it's not fine, it's nasty.

I want my children to have a good childhood, not like mine.

Very dark, and haunting.

But I don't blame anyone for what I went through.

Perhaps those times make me want to work harder.

Make me want to be a better person.

So that I don't relive those moments.

Not again in my life.

4:28 AM

More wars.

Sometimes they pity her, but these days it's been pretty bad.

Maybe they are not understanding her more.

They know that she's not working and staying at home.

But, it was first and foremost her choice.

Even when she's not working and staying at home, they don't really get to eat at home everyday, get proper cooked meals everyday nor does she really do a lot of housework so sometimes they don't know what she's complaining about.

She calls it stress staying at home everyday.

They who go out almost everyday are also stressed too.

They have stress from school & work.

When they come home, they want to rest.

Sometimes they end up doing more work.

If she's working then perhaps they can sympathize with her.

They try to help around as much as they can.

But does she know of her responsibilities at home?

Does she know that when she wanted to become a nanny, that it's adding on to her responsibilities?

Cold wars, cold wars.

Money, money.

Never enough.

Him & her having cold war.

Mention money and everything gets tense.

They understand where she's coming from.

She's not working and yet her money flows out.

He's working and keeping quiet about money.

And that she has to pay the bills like she has a full time paying job.

Them, them who are stucked in the middle at times.

Having to work around the cold war.

Not knowing who to support, him or her.

They wish that things could be talked out openly.

Then perhaps the matter could be solved.

This is life for them.

10:54 AM Thursday, January 22, 2009

Slackerooo!

It's thursday already.

Tomorrow will have a film screening to attend in the morning followed by one last 109 lecture to attend before the long weekends are here!

Have already prepared a list of stuffs to do for the weekends.

I wanna go play badminton this Saturday but must see if there's any clash with other meets.

Just had my psy101 lecture and it was about sleep.

Haha, I should probably sleep more cos less sleep makes me more dumb. :S

Yesterday met dear to pass his charger cos I forgot to pass it to him when he was at home. So I had to make my way to woodlands where he fell asleep in the library.

He had to go to city hall to meet up with his friends to pass their items and so, since I remembered I had vouchers to use, I went with him as well.

Ended up just chillaxing with beloved at coffee bean for awhile and after that, we went home.

Dear was lucky to get a ride home from my dad cos my dad was also going out to drive taxi. Haha!

The US currency is slowlyyyy appreaciating againn.

I'm offff for lunch at NIE! hawhaw.

Till then.

11:41 PM Tuesday, January 20, 2009

More work, more work. No thanks.

I dropped HMF1 and decided to take FIL230 instead. Asian film history. I tell you, it's gonna be an even crazier sem than last sem. Cos this sem feels heavy. For both electives, I have to do much more than just attend the assigned tutorial or lecture slots, I have extra stuffs for the electives.

For Intro to Psychology, I have to go for these survey slots and I have to FIGHT for them with everyone else in the class. I have yet to even log in and check what slots they have. Cos right now, I'm trying to catch up with my core modules. I don't want to just do tutorials and not understand what's going on in the topic. I think I made that mistake last sem and I can't afford to repeat it again this sem.

My cat is missing again. And I really give up. I miss him a lot, but he has been running away way too many times. Perhaps he just wants to leave. I'll look for him again. I miss him. And I hope no ones does bad things to him. And I hope he finds food. He's been away for one night already. Ciak.... Please come home. :(

Dear just went back just now. He came over to pack the orders. Think sayang has slimmed down already. I love you dear, no matter how angry I can be with you. I was kinda hurt just now, but I'm okay now. Think sayang didn't mean what he said. I don't want you to be sad cos I feel hurt or anything. I'm okay k dear? But truly, sayang has been the best. He's been doing all the packing these days. I'm so sorry love. School is killing me. :S

I'm looking forward to the CNY holidays. I NEED the holidays. I need it cos I have to study. I need the grades! Really badly. I already promised myself that I will work hard for this sem so that I can push my GPA up.

It's only tuesday. I need a hug.

A long, warm hug.

1:50 PM Monday, January 19, 2009

Breathless.

Here you are now

Fresh from your war

Back from the edge of time

And all that you were,

Stripped to the bone

I thought you'd want to know

That when you feel the world is crashing

All around your feet

Come running headlong into my arms

Breathless

I'll never judge you

I can only love you

Come now running headlong

Into my arms

Breathless

Lay down your guns

Too weak to run

Nothing can harm you here

Your precious heart

Broken and scarred

Somehow you made it through

I only ask that you won't go again

When you feel the world is crashing

All around your feet

Come running headlong into my arms

Breathless

I'll never judge you

I can only love you

Come now running headlong

Into my arms

Breathless

So glad to see you smiling

So good to hear your laugh

I think that you've found you even

Missed yourself

I'm only asking this because I think that

Truth be told

Oh, you'll never go again

Again

When you feel the world is crashing

All around your feet

Come running headlong into my arms

Breathless

I'll never judge you

I can only love you

Come now running headlong

Into my arms

Breathless

Will always be here for you through it all.

No matter how long I have to wait.

Important is that now or later,

our love will still be strong.

Huggs. :)

1:44 AM Saturday, January 17, 2009

sometimes you feel alone.

Finally got my 2nd module.

I have no idea if it'll be a mistake or not.

HMF1 so far.. I see no familiar faces, well, perhaps one but I don't think she knows me. Seen her around in JJ before, and that's it.

Kinda feel gloomy now. Have 3 more months to exams. It's a vicious cycle, have to buck up like mad. Have to get the GPA that I need. What I have now is seriously just really really bad.

Haish.

It's stressful.

Guess I just need some time to relax.

Just relax.

Do nothing.

Not even business.

Trust me, even that is stressful.

Who would want to do nothing with me?

5:01 AM Friday, January 16, 2009

love.

sometimes, i just can't help feeling this way.

Can't say that everything's perfect.

But I'm happy.

sometimes, i just can't help but to dream.

Can't say that it'll all come true.

But I'm happy.

With you.

1:36 AM Thursday, January 15, 2009

TIME TO BUCK UP, BIG TIME.

seriously can't afford last sem's grades.

i will work harder. I MUST.

1:41 AM Saturday, January 10, 2009

New Term New Term!

It's a whole new sem. Another rigorous round of rushing tutorials, study study study and more study study study.

First week of school has just gone by like that. Already, i feel a little tired, so I don't think I'll be going anywhere this weekends. I have tutorials to rush already! Haha.

Business has been okay. There's always the ups and downs. Mainly, the latest frustration would be my uncle butting in asking me whether I know what I'm doing when I'm collecting orders for ELF cosmetics. Seriously, he doesn't know what kind of business I'm doing. We have done our research already for goodness sake. He really did spoil my day. Cos I was already so tired and I had school the next day.

My main frustrations were how he didn't fully understand what we were doing and then became so jugdemental over it, never wanting to stop and even look for reviews on the net. He initially offered to help us, and in the end when I said that perhaps Ari and I wanna take a break cos school is starting, he told me not to waste EVERYONE's time.

That just made me blow my top. For goodness' sake! Ari & I slogged our whole entire holidays to get this business going on our own. Trying to get orders for our business and he says we are wasting everyone's time? He doesn't know how hard we worked for this. How many sleepless nights we had, staying up worrying about our orders and making sure they arrive her on time and that our customers won't have to pay so much for shipping. How can he say that?

And truly, Ari & I did consider not continuing this business but we want to persevere and work hard. My uncle thinks I'm arrogant cos I said that things will be okay. He keeps insisting that I will get sued for taking orders for ELF cosmetics. Like oh my gosh. Seriously, I don't know how much he knows about what kinda business I'm doing. He just infuriates me a lot. He's my uncle alright, but sometimes when I know I'm right, then it'll be right.

Enough about my frustrations, saturday & sunday will be spent at home, trying to catch up with school work and also planning my timetable for next week. I had fun for the first week of school. Mainly, there was time to go Jurong Bird Park, have dinner with the D&D comm at sakura, meet Erika and Ais for breakfast and lotsa things!

And last Monday (05/01) was our 19th! :) Happy belated 19th dear! I love you lots. Jurong Bird Park with dear was really funn though I think I scolded him for cheering at one of the shows. I'm sorry love! Seriously, the mood for the show was BAD. I'm seriously lazy to update photos here so... this makes this whole entry DRY. haha!

Sakura Dinner was also great! I stuffed myself to the brim. The food was not bad. Some were really good! But there were also mediocre ones. Overall though, I had a good time with the D&D commers cos we really had an adventure before reaching our destination! We were lost really and starving cos we wanted to make sure we made the buffet worth it! Lol!

And... I'm so glad I managed to meet Erika and also with Aishah for breakfast! I haven't met e-e for don't know how long! She's still as petite as she was. But still fierce! Haha! We spent a few hours just catching up. It was really fun as well!

So.. here's where all the fun fun fun has to go undergo some conformational changes to study study study! Lol!

I'm off to bed now. I have to wake up early tomorrow!

Till then.

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