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1:38 AM
Saturday, May 31, 2008
don't run away.
I loathe Mondays. but the weird thing is that I'm born on a Monday. haha! I love Fridays, though! Mostly cos I have my days off on Fridays and that Saturday and Sunday follows it. :) So today i went out to meet Tammy and dear. Separately that is. Had lunch with Tammy at Coffee Bean and got the tickets for our flight. Can't believe that it's next week! lol. After meeting Tammy, i met dear and I accompanied him for his lunch. So finally today, Dini and Ari stepped into the new Central Library. Haha! We got lost at first but we managed to find our way round the building. Turns out that the collection was at the basement. -_- Finished up reading My Father's Notebook. It's quite a nice book i must say. Heart-breaking at times but it also has it's heart warming moments. If only the writer didn't stray away from his Faith. It's quite saddening, really. Ri FORCED me (haha! okay, not really) to watch star trek with him cos he brought his laptop and his dvd collection. I must say, it wasn't so bad. Quite nice actually. Okay la. I shall have a neutral stand between Star Wars and Star Trek okay dear? Lol. We borrowed books and then we left for dinner at the shop next to Zam Zam. Dear wanted to try out the Ginger Tea (yuck!!) there so we went there to eat. It's not bad. The tea was nice! lol. How should I put this though? I've been having some problems lately. It's been a hurricane ride for me actually. Some think that I'm worrying too much. It's in my nature to worry. Right now, things are getting better though. Much better. Slowly, i guess. I felt quite hurt when I was told that I am being __________. Guess I've never been told that before cos usually, I'm not so dependant on people. Maybe i'm expecting too much? Hmm. Naah, I'm not emo now. Really! I know that i've crossed the boundaries when all you need is space. I want things to improve really, very very much. Maybe things have changed here and there. That's why I keep asking you those questions often. You'll have to be patient with me. I need your patience. And sometimes, I need your assurance. But no matter what, I still hope some things remain unchanged. Please stand by me no matter what. :) Till then! Weekends are here! :) 12:43 AM
Friday, May 30, 2008
The calling.
Sorry for the 'emo' posts lately.I've been fine really. Been through tough times, but what are good times without tough times right? I'll be leaving for Phuket next week. Off for 4 days, 3 nights. I hope that the cash that i've saved up is more than enough. :S Maybe the trip to Phuket would be good for me. I won't be reachable as i don't have auto-roam. But just sms me or anything and i'll get back to you when i come back. I know i'll miss home, my family and my cats but it'll be a good experience. Lately i've been up to nothing much. Just doing a little bit of research here and there. Been reading, practicing guitar, teaching tuition, going out a bit and that's basically it. Till then. 1:02 AM
Thursday, May 29, 2008
onward.
NUS FASS vs NTU SBS.I've already made my choice. :) NTU, here i come! haha. See all those peeps going to NTU when school reopens! Till then. 1:10 AM
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
nothing interesting.
Some things are really complicated.Like how you don't really like how things are going for now but you know that you'll just have to live through that period so that things in the future will be better. Sometimes when things get real hard to start to get discouraged and you ask yourself again whether things will work out as you hoped for in the future. One important thing is to have faith and believe in what will happen. For me, i'm a loser at times when it comes to this. I want something so badly, so much. But i'm just not confident enough to believe, or more scared. Cos you're scared of failure. I let this fear take control of me at times and it's bad. It's really bad. I've been like this since i was young. Maybe it's cos of how things were when i was young. But it'll probably be an excuse i guess. To make me feel better. Truth is, i can change this. I can change how i see this. But change is sometimes hard. And i'm not that strong. .........See how i always tend to take one step back? See the loser in me? Yeah. Try reading me. Try. You'll get a headache. I get one myself sometimes just figuring myself out. 12:41 AM
Monday, May 19, 2008
the end of the road.
I don't know how to make things better.I don't know what you want. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. Ask me something. My first answer will be i don't know. I'm so disappointed in you. Really disappointed. I don't think only YOU have the right to be hurt. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE HURT TOO. You don't think this has been hard on me? Think again. It's been affecting every part of me. 2:06 AM
Friday, May 16, 2008
your intellectual equal? :)
Today's quite a long day. Today's quite an enjoyable day too.Met Tammy at Far East at noon and had lunch. She was kinda emo-ing about the NUSBS interview. Aww girl, it isn't so bad. Don't emo so much ok? Think about the holidays! haha. :) After shopping for stuffs for TKS, we went to coffee bean, wrote what we wanted to write and grabbed a drink. It was nice just sitting there and crapping about stuffs. Just a little treat for the troubled mind. Haha. Window shopped for awhile. Must say, what we bought for TKS was pretty cool! Just like the guy. Haha. Train ride to Boon Lay felt like forever. I had no seat until Jurong East and it was too late to get a little nap. Bumped into Uncle who was emceeing at Jurong Point and went off to teach. The kid i'm teaching looks super stressed. Poor kid. He's bright, though. Met dear at JP... but dear wasn't really in the best of spirits due to work. I was feeling pretty tired myself. Had dinner and headed for home. Hope work's fine for you tomorrow dear. Don't be too harsh on yourself k? Cheer up! :) Tomorrow i have to head down to pasir panjang to meet Victor. Wonder what the work is really about. Owh wells, the pay's good. Hope everything goes smoothly. And hope it doesn't rain. Or not i can't go swimming with little sister. Till then. if only it could cease. it's dragging too long already. don't let anger eat you up. it's not healthy. it only burns you inside. you don't get bigger, you get smaller. just like ice melting over the flame. 8:11 PM
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
crushed by the big M.
I'm having so much on my chest now.It's not great at all. It's all so bleak. She doesn't understand at all. Leaving us alone and asking us to understand. How long more do you need? You're not a free spirit anymore like your good ol' days. Why must you run away ALMOST EVERYTIME when things get rocky for you? If you knew that you were overreacting, why aren't you correcting yourself after realising it? And don't go changing the subject. You weren't there. So who else do i turn to? Anyone who hears of this would pin you down with their critics. Cos it's unbecoming of someone who has a responsibility to just leave and think that we can take care of ourselves. Physically, maybe. But emotionally, NO. In the past, we've always accomodated you. But this time round, we want to speak up. We want YOU to face your problems head on. If you don't become a good role model to us, who would? I know that you were disappointed and hurt. It's not entirely anyone's fault. But if you hang around the problem for too long, you're only making things worse. When people have all the respect for you then, they might not have it anymore now. I never said i don't need you in my life. I'm not all grown up yet. Even when i'm all married, i'll still need you. Don't you see it? Why would be cry and plead to you then? COS WE NEED YOU! I still need guidance and all. I already apologized to you for what i did just now. I am mad. And i believe i have the right to be mad. Ask yourself that. And my anger just can't sizzle down instantaneously. I pray for your safe return here. The rest is up to you. Sometimes, things can't go your way. You can't have the win all the time. And sometimes, you have to mirror yourself before you speak. Stay humble.... This is what you'd always say. I think it's time you used it on yourself. 9:35 PM
Sunday, May 11, 2008
an eye for an eye, makes the world go blind.
Sometimes, adults can be really childish. What they claim us guilty of, they themselves commit. It's human nature i guess. But sometimes, when we let our emotions get the better of us, things might turn out to bad. And when neither party wants to give in or compromise, that's when everything gets ugly. Thing is, it does not only affect the direct parties involved but also the ones around them. I hope things get better here at home. I'll be alright. I'm grown up. Think of my sister please. Please don't let ego get in the way. 7:47 PM
Thursday, May 08, 2008
what if i need you.
I am bored.Utterly bored. Bored. Bored. No tuition today. Kid has fever. Bored. Bored. Tomorrow. Boring again. Bored. Bored. 9:12 PM
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
someday, somehow.
SA1's almost over. Tomorrow's one of the last papers. Phew. Just have to wait for their results. I hope they improve. The rest of this week is slack. Next week also quite slack. Think can go out here and there. But hafta think twice cos i'm saving up for Phuket. haha. Not really in the mood to update much. Why are words so difficult? I can’t make them flow Like how I want them to It’s just not easy for me. I feel that my words are dead No rhythm or emotion to it I can’t find the fire in me Or maybe the fire has burnt out already. I can’t keep them under control Maybe words are not me Maybe I’m not made not for them I work better with silence When words fail me, My language is my body. My eyes are my signals The strongest you’ve ever seen Till then. 1:24 AM
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
HOLIDAY MOOD!
Hello peoples. Today's monday. And monday means a long long day for me. Today's was a little longer due to the interview at NUS in the morning. Thank god i wasn't late and thank god i was clever enough to alight at the right bus stop. Haha. Interview was fine. Quite nervewrecking at first but once i entered the room, it got much better. The professors were nice and good natured and well, even then, i think i crapped a lot. It was a good experience. Even if i don't get into NUS, it's ok. I still have NTU. Happy 11th dear. :) Though we weren't able to talk much today due to our own schedules, it's still okay right dear? I know what you'll say when i ask you this. Hehe. Can't wait to meet you tomorrow sleepyhead! :P I miss you! Till then. :) |
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