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1:12 AM
Thursday, October 30, 2008
on the verge of going crazyyyyy!
I just need to blog before i go to bed and hopefully, be able to wake up early tomorrow to finish tutorials.This is crazy! only roughly 13 more days to our first paper! I'm barely even there with revision. I'm gonna break down. There's so many things to do! Even with all these revision dying for my attention, there's also lab reports and tutorials. I screwed up my econs quiz. And i'm so gonna die for the real test. Oh god, give me strength now, i really really need it. I really need to overcome this first hurdle in uni life! This feels so hard! Even harder than A's. I feel so lost, with no direction now as to how i'm gonna finish all those revision in less than 2 weeks. This is really making me going crazy. I'm so scared. So pressured. I wanna do well for all my modules but how to? I'm panicking already. Oh god, help me overcome this battle, help me persevere through this one month before the december break! Don't let me break until all the papers are over! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo screwed. :( 12:50 AM
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
GROUCHY.
Alright, at this point i feel a little irritated by the fact that my sister uses my laptop a lot.Maybe it's cos it's the time of the month that my mood goes swinging 360 degrees. BUT yeah, it's kinda getting on my nerve. Can't you just use the house computer? Grrrrr. 12:23 AM
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Counting Down.
There's so much work to do now. So much revision to do.Last sunday there was supposed to be kenduri at Malaysia cos my grandma's sister is going for her haj. And I also had a raya visiting outing with my TWSS peeps. So torn in between. Besides that, I also have my huge pile of revision to do for exams are in two weeks' time. So how? I decided to not go for either and try to catch up with revision. I haven't gone jalan raya with the twss peeps for two years already. :( 12:03 AM
Friday, October 24, 2008
Still pretty sick.
I'm still feeling a little heaty now, think i'm still running a temperature.I have 2 weeks till exams are here! It's the mugging season everyone. Must charge on! 10:57 PM
Sunday, October 19, 2008
I have a younger sister who really really gets on my nerves.If I wasn't her sister, I might have disliked her quite a fair bit. She calls herself hot stuff, but I believe the reason why I'm talking about her is cos she makes me real real angry and agitated. She's such hot stuff that she's up for auction if you want! You can have her for a day, i don't mind at all. She's 13 yet so wants so many stuffs of her own, she wants to lead such a glam life. REALITY CHECK, life's not as easy as you want it to be adek. And REALITY CHECK again, your life doesn't suck. You make it so sucky, trying to live other people's lives! What's at hollywood, is hollywood. But you gotta take charge of your own life here! You want people to respect you more and don't go looking for trouble with you? Then mirror yourself first! You know you are a capable person. You can be smart if you want to. So work hard towards better grades! You want a good life later? Then wake up now. You want to migrate to LA later? Then learn to work hard for it. Our parents won't be able to fend for you little sister. You determine your own future. I do complain to Abang Ari about you. Cos I try so hard to be patient with you, to listen to your woes and to try to understand whatever that you're going through. Have I not helped you when you have trouble with your friends? Have I helped you when you have something you want to ask from Mama or Baba? Sometimes you just don't want to wake up. Come on adek, you want a good life, you seriously have to work for it. It's time you really improve on yourself before you think you're "hot stuff". 2:34 AM
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Our sanctuary.
I can't imagine I went home so late on a Friday.We had to start on our lab reports, of which we messed up the dates of submission for one of them and had to rush them as we had to finish them before Monday. We really were chiong-ing our lab report just now. Stress! Sadly, Ais and I didn't get to eat our favourite laksa cos we were 5 minutes too late in the queue. But it's okay! Next week then! So I got home to an empty house cos everyone was out, mum sent my sis to guitar class, dad working. Was supposed to meet sayang for a jog initially but sayang suggested we change our plans and go for a long walk. When I reached home, I saw my cat sleeping on my bed and well, I joined him! Thank god I woke up just in time for maghrib. And so, I was just a little wee late for our date. Meeting my sayang after a week's headache and stress is pretty refreshing cos we'll usually meet and talk about what has happened and what is gonna happen in the week to come. And today I put on my track shoes and we were off for a long walk, or rather a stroll. It kinda felt like the beach, only now we're surrounded by more trees. Dear wanted to show me this place where we could see shooting stars in Singapore but I was pretty scared cos it's dark and well... I have night blindness. I hate it when I can't see in the dark cos it just makes me feel so disorientated and so I won't trust my surroundings and have 101 things going through my head. Haha! I do want to see the shooting stars cos I only got to see them once when I was in Port Dickson with my cousins. It was such a pretty sight! Sayang hasn't been to the place for awhile now and doesn't know if it's safe enough to go now so... we shall try another day when sayang goes there with Ihsan. :) I had a wonderful date with dear, a very relaxed one... it felt almost like I was on a holiday with my beloved. And after walking a lot, we just sat down to rest and munch munch! Good thing we brought food. Haha! Thank you sayang for setting aside time to just let me unwind after a week's worth of school stress! I love you! And now I'm back at home... alone again. Mum went to pick up my eldest sis from work. And so tomorrow's gonna be a real busy day for me! Have to clean up the house cos my eldest sis's future in laws coming to discuss about their future plans. If everything goes well, they're getting engaged in December! :) I hope I get time to study amidst all this things. Till then, Have a good weekend! :) 3:03 AM
Friday, October 17, 2008
learning to be patient, understanding.... and less manja.
As of late, I have been real impatient. I want so many things in life, which after much thinking is best if I just remain patient and wait out for it.I must remember that I have to work hard for all the happiness and life's pleasures. And I must remember to always be grateful for all the things I have now, that if I become more greedy, I might just lose it all and not even get a single strand of it. I already have a great family, though they have their shortcomings, I must understand why they wouldn't allow me to do this and that at times. It's cos they care for me and want everything to work out well for me. I'm also grateful for the friends I have, though I may not have many that I'm very very close to. Though sometimes I don't really share all my problems with them, they are still there if I feel down and will drop smses to me to make sure I'm okay. Last but not least, I ,of course, have my dearest sayang, Ari. As of late, he's been really stressed up trying to juggle his NS work, his theatre work, his family, himself and me. I always say that I'll try to be more understanding, but I'm afraid I haven't been trying hard enough. I have lots of flaws dear, but I hope you'll continue to be patient with me as I correct them. School has been a real challenge. I have 3 weeks left to the battle. And I have to prepare myself for the battle. I need to make myself get ample rest too. I think I have insomnia these days, which is bad. I have so many things to do, I need to prioritize. I do appreciate all my family members, friends and love. But sometimes, no matter how many people you're surrounded with... In the end, it's still your own battle to fight. Only you. Alone. 1:25 AM
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Overload.
I just smsed goodnight to Ais just now.But now, i'm still awake. I tried sleeping really, but i just could not sleep. I'm pretty worried about tomorrow's test. Be it just mcq or not, i'm just worried cos it's intro to bio and well, i have so so so so much to read about and remember. All those nitty-gritty details. And only 4 weeks to cram for intro to bio, organic chem, biophysics and biochem. I like biochem. Maybe it's cos i've done some reading here and there and feel more confident about it. And i just don't like biophysics cos I haven't done much reading and maybe it's just from the plain fact that it's physics. Haha! Dear fell asleep again, i've given him 3 missed calls tonight. Well, it's just uncontrollable for him to accidentally fall asleep. Haha, my sayang pangseh me almost every night. Yesterday he called me to.. "report strength." Haha! Well, I shouldn't get too upset about him falling asleep. He's tired, he has work tomorrow and he can't possibly stay up late every night for me and make sure I fall asleep first before he does. I can be very sensitive when I want to be. And sometimes I do get upset when ri falls asleep suddenly. He can just chat with me and then suddenly.. no replies cos he fell asleep with the laptop on him. Haha! Sayang, sayang. Well, dii tak merajuk tonight k dear? And I hope I won't get upset about you accidentally falling asleep anymore. I know I can be hard on you at times. But I don't want you to feel that I'm too clingy again. So I'll deal with you falling asleep. 17 months of going through this, I wonder why I still can't get used to it. Hmm, I think I should toughen up a bit. Don't get so.. emotional. Lol. I wonder why I'm still awake now when I'm supposed to be asleep. I'm sure gonna be a zombie tomorrow. I think i'll just read myself to sleep. Till then! AH!!!!! TEST TOMORROW!!! Oh, and I really really want to travel. Haish, I feel so jealous of people who can do that at liberty. Owh wells, just my luck. BUT! I STILL WANT TO TRAVEL! Australia please!!!!!! 8:05 PM
Monday, October 13, 2008
Oh..... monday, tuesday wednesday, thursday, friday.
Only monday, yet I already feel tired. But Lab session was pretty good. Don't feel as lost as other com lab sessions.I feel kinda sad. Sad cos of a couple of things which are... not really anyone's fault. Maybe i'm asking too much, or that my pile of work is just bringing out a little bit of emotional side of me. Would things really be better next year or would it just be as hard/harder? And little sister, seriously, i think you don't appreciate me allowing you to use my laptop the whole day. When I don't allow you to use it, you call me selfish. When I allow you to use it and after that ask you for my laptop, you make noise. Don't I have the right to use my laptop? There's always the family computer to use. I hate to be so emotional. How should i phrase myself? There's just something bugging me. I don't like not knowing what is bugging me. It just makes me more emotional. not gonna wake you up tonight. felt like i was bothering you a fair bit. that i'm taking too much of your time. 1:27 AM
In loving memory of my dear cat, kiki.
Mum got a call on Saturday morning. A chinese auntie called her after we left notices about kiki missing the night before. Not good news at all. Our dear cat has passed away. He jumped from the 7th floor and left us, forever.My mum, my sister and I were very affected, still very affected. The saddest part is that the auntie threw kiki's carcass away into the dustbin. It would have been better if we could just do a proper burial for him. At least we won't still have hopes of kiki being alive. I still do hope he's still alive but I know that it can't be true. My sister is deeply affected for kiki was her favourite. Kiki was her companion at home, always accompanying her around the house, even in the toilet. And kiki was a very good and obedient cat. All of us love him. My mum also wept over his death. Kiki always greets us when we go home by rolling on the floor, waiting for us to scratch him. Rest in peace in cat heaven kiki. I love you lots. 
3:41 PM
Friday, October 10, 2008
School craze.
Ahh... It's a Friday and I have no school and I'm gonna spend it at home... to study. I have 2 more tests coming up plus I also have like 4 lab reports haunting me now. I'm feeling quite tired and stressed. But I know that this will only last for 1.5 more months or so and then it'll be holidays for me. 5 weeks of holidays only but I guess it's better than nothing. Lol. I'm currently now using the mouse that Ais gave me for my birthday. It's greeeeeennnn! I like. It's pretty and pretty good. Lol. G-cube mouse. Buy Buy! Haha. So today I plan to start off my BS101. Cos i think there's 7 topics to study for and it's very theory intensive. Means that there's super a lot of stuffs to remember. I think i'm pretty much eager to start it off. If i start revising now, then perhaps i won't have to re-revise much for the exams later. Which I hope is true. Lol. Yesterday had dinner with my beloved at CCK park (there's a restaurant there) and after that just sat down to talk with dear. It feels good. Being able to just sit down and talk with him and not worry about other things. We do this occasionally but lately we've been pretty stressed with our own stuffs.. namely his work issues and my upcoming tests. I really do treasure these alone moments with him where we just sit down and absorb each other's presence. Dear says that after my tests are over, we can take a day off and just do something relaxing.... perhaps a picnic. Provided I give in my best for my tests and that I don't skip meals and get ample rest. Haha! So i promised and I will get my picnic!! :) Coming back to school. Ais and I tried Mr. Bean's green tea bean ice cream! It's quite nice! Very different taste but very pleasant. It's a little costly thought but I guess once in a while, it's alright. Haha! And I love the cheese pancake! Very nice. :)))) I've been spending time with Ais a lot these days. Mostly cos it's really really hard to like mingle much with people. Sometimes, Peishan will join us, or we'll be around Hanan and Hannah but I guess it's just the normal group of people. Otherwise, it's only Ais and me. Haha! I don't mind cos really, mingling around is the last last last thing on my list. It doesn't even qualify as a priority. And I hope Ais doesn't mind me being around her all the time either. Hehe! I'm off now. I think i wanna have an afternoon snack. Till then! :) 1:53 AM
Monday, October 06, 2008
Tired out from hari raya.
Hari Raya used to be sooo enjoyable for me! Not only cos of the green packets but course of all they very lively gatherings that i'll have with family and friends.This year is pretty different though. Having school during raya and with tests to study for, hari raya outings are really not on the top of my list. So far i've cleared the people whom I have to visit and I am not looking forward to any raya outings till my mid=terms are cleared, my catching up with school work is done and all lab reports are handed in. There's just so much to catch up with! I don't really dread school just wished I had more alone time for me to catch up with tutorials and much needed reading! 3 more days to Organic Chem Test. 4 more days to dateline for Lab Report. Even though I'm not really that enthusiastic for raya outings at this point, I had fun. I managed to roughly clear my mum's and dad's side and also got to meet my father. Dear accompanied me to meet my father cos I know it gets quite awkward when I meet him since I'm not so close to my father. Met my father's mum and his brother whom I've not met for 6 years or so. My father lives in Chinatown with his mum and his brother. I felt so weird wearing baju kurung in Chinatown.... so out of place. Must be wondering why my father, grandma and uncle live in Chinatown right? My late Grandpa is a chinese so my grandma moved in with him and stayed at Chinatown. They've been there ever since! Lol.  uncle, grandma, me, father. my love and i!After meeting my father, we headed to my grandma's place at Woodlands. Grandma's been asking me to bring him to her place for hari raya. So since we were already out, we just made our way there. Grandma's sister from Malaysia was in Singapore to celebrate hari raya. My youngest cousin and uncle and aunt, however went back to KL already. My cousin won't be able to enter singapore for 2 months cos she extended her stay here le. I miss that naughty girl already!  Grandma's sister, Me, Grandma, Sayang!  My Uncle Chu and I. :) Uncle Chu's nu peng you, Auntie Nat! :) my love and i again!I didn't really update about the first few days of raya. It was super fun being able to meet all my cousins and family again. I have photos to show! :) We didn't really go raya visiting much this year cos of the secondary school examinations plus the fact that I have exams. We still reached home quite late thougth. Pretty shagged over this few days but I guess, this only comes once a year. Owh wells! The spirit of raya. Haha! First Day of Hari Raya  All my cousins on my mum's side. (minus my elder sisters who had to work!) My whole maternal family w/o uncle chu who was late! My dad's side... not even half of the family! (big family on dad's side)Hari Raya Day 4  My mum's eldest sister's family plus ours. Not the full set of cousins. (but with my eldest sis present)Well, i best be off to lala land. BS104 lab later! Till then! :) 2:35 AM
Thursday, October 02, 2008
??
You'll probably understand or don't understand my post.If you don't then don't ask k? Is it normal for it to be like that? I don't think that's nice. Or is that how joking around is like? Maybe that's not how things are usually for me. Well, the matter itself is very grave. Joking about it in that manner is just... harsh. Maybe cos i'm not used to it, that's why I think so. Knowing how important that thing is to someone. And going through shit for what has happened, and can still joke about why that person not getting into hot soup for that shit that the person has gone through. Isn't that kinda wrong? Maybe for girls, when that happens, we get pretty sensitive. I guess the cookie crumbles differently for us. Hah. Or it's just a different kinda friendship that i have never had before. I'm not angry. Just that I don't understand. :S 12:17 AM
Selamat Hari Raya!
Here's wishing all muslims SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI!
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