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11:57 PM
Monday, November 19, 2007
establishing equilibrium.
Just had a heart to heart talk with my sister and mom. Mom told me that i was losing my balance, that i had to learn how to juggle family and other things in life. Maybe i didn't realise this lately. I agree and disagree with the things that we discussed and i will give and take what advice my mum has told me. Tmr's my physics paper 1. Last paper. But, i have to do this first. To get things off my chest. Or not i won't be able to sleep. It started out with sis and me quarelling about someone whom she chatted with. Someone close from the past. I'm not angry with that person anymore, and i told her she could chat with him if he wanted to. Whatever happened between him and me did not involve her so she has a right to talk to him. But later, she told me that i couldn't see the chat. I didn't want to. It's not nice to intrude someone's privacy. But knowing that your own sister is talking behind your back about you, it hurts. Like a knife through your heart. Cos you thought she would always be someone who would stay on your side, no matter how bad things were. But someone told me.... Even then, joseph's brothers "killed" him over jealousy. So i was feeling less angry, but still a little disappointed. I didn't really talk to her the whole day and so she felt that i was being unreasonable. And so i reasoned. She felt that i was being too harsh on her. I belief, i was wrong on that part. We talked about how things were then and now. And i told her it's different. I don't mind about the past. Cos whatever happens, maybe we were not meant together, that i was meant to meet my someone else later. And so i did. She told me, she couldn't stand my someone. She said she hated him. I told her... He's a part of me. If you hate him, you're hating me. And that it hurts to know that. That the least she could do was try to be nice to him. Cos he tried but to no avail. She said that she feels neglected. Cos i've been spending less time with her. I'm sorry sis. I'll make a mental note. I'll work towards spending more time with my you lil sis. I just want you to know, i love you no matter what. For blood is thicker than water, you'll always be my sis. My mum came in, and she sort of heard us. She wasn't on anyone's side. She told my sis that whatever goes around, comes around. She said to her.. Don't be surprised if one day, whoever she's dating might not be likeable to me, to her or to my dad. She said, in this world, one can't live hating others so much. And she also told me many things. Just have to let it out. She told me, that i haven't been spending much time with the family. That i have been out with someone too much. She said i lost my balance. And that i have to regain it back. She asked me to think about it properly. She also said something hurting. Said that i'm too deeply involved and that if i fall heartbroken, she's not gonna help me at all. This affected me deeply. Maybe it's true that my feelings are strong. I read an email this morning. It talked about how our thoughts affect our destiny. So we should think positively rather than let negativity carve our path. And so, i wished i could tell this to my mum. But i believe, her reply would be that i'm too young, i have the rest of my life to look for love. I wish to tell her that someone is special. That i'm sorry that she thinks so. I will work towards regaining the balance but whatever i feel, i will not forego. Cos if we have faith in whatever we are going through, we will pull through it. If our thoughts on this is positive, if she gives me the right support, things will work out and she won't have to worry about me being heartbroken. I love my family too. I am a family person and family is priority to me. Someone treats me nicely, and he's not out to destroy my relationship with my family or wreck my studies. In fact, he motivates me to study. And in times like this, he tries to understand what you feel and tells me that maybe we should work something out. He's a sincere special friend and he takes care of my happiness well. I know that i am still young. That i have many other things in life to pursue. Studies, career.... I'm not saying that i'm neglecting them. It's not wrong to have someone to share dreams with right? He's going to uni soon and i hope i get to. See? I still have my dreams. In fact my dreams are very important to me. I wish my mum, dad and sis would understand that having another person in my life doesn't mean i love them less. Love is infinite. When it's running out, you can always make more for others. Don't worry, i'm not thinking of getting married young or whatever. It's too rash and impractical! We're not even financially stable and we've still got so much to experience before us! Like uni life, like work life! I wish mum would stop with the ridiculous ideas. Nonetheless, it's not wrong to share the journey to new experiences with someone. Maybe it'll just make the growing up stage easier. God willing. Phew. I feel better. Don't worry peeps. My mind's all calm. I'm not feeling troubled. I'll talk to dad tmr. He's kinda cool with all these advice. Lol. Many loves. Dii. |
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