confetti street

2009-04-22T05:01:00.000+08:00

I have moved.

http://confettistreet.wordpress.com/

2 more papers!

2009-04-21T21:53:00.002+08:00

I feel so super exhausted.
2 more papers to go! Yahooooooo~
Okay okay, just not yet.
But at least, tomorrow, can breathe a little easier.
And I'm gonna meet dear tomorrow yawwww!

Going to bugis with him cos I wanna get an ISIC card.
I'm kinda already starting to get into a holiday mood.
Cos the mind and the body feels really tired.
I really really need a good full body massage lah.

Red Bull has been my companion.
I've had one yesterday and am gonna have another one tonight.
Well, it was going for $0.65 for a tin. Damn cheap!
So I bought 5 of those.
Well, it's coming in handy alright.
Cos I need one tonight.

You have no idea how tired I am right now!

Dear please bring me out to just chillax once my exams are over pleaseeeeeeeee!
I DESERVE IT!!!

Temporary.

2009-04-13T03:22:00.005+08:00

As of today, I am officially in the temporary house in Admiralty.
The house is now in a terrible mess, I tell you.
The living room is 3/4 filled with boxes and all other stuffs brought from the old house.

I am honestly tired from all the shifting.
Tomorrow, no more no more.
I can't put my revision aside no more!
And I have things due tomorrow.
Like BIG SHIT.

That aside, I'd like to wish my dear grrlfren Aqilah
HAPPY 20th Birthday!
Promise will meet up after my friggin exams!
3 more weeks to go only!

And after exams, I have to start planning for my Perth trip.
Woot Woot!
I am dying for a holiday, no kiddin.
Already placed the booking for tix. Hooya!
All that's left is the planning and the arrangement with Yana on accomodation.

I'm still waiting for my parents to be back from don't know where.
And it's already 5 am in the morning.
My sister is already asleep but I have to be awake cos there's only one set of keys.
That can of red bull i gulped down just now is starting to wear off on me.
Yeahhhh yeahhhh, so much for red bull giving me wings.
I want my money back!

Oh ya, on a side note, i kinda miss the school girls.
Ais, Nas, WH, Fizah & Leroy.
Recalled WH smsing about her dropping her notes from the 7th floor. Haha!
Damn freaking random hilarious sms!

Okay chao chin chao.

2009-04-09T13:08:00.002+08:00

I have 2 days left till i leave my house.
I feel sad.
Cos I love the house that I am in now.
The rental house sucked if i must say so, it's not like a home.

I have less than a week to my first two papers too.
I feel really low. My revision is slow.
And it can't be cos i have 4 mods to cover.

Wish things were better.

Last night, I had no dream but I couldn't sleep.
I realise some things.
Maybe if i said that i'm hurt, you would think why the hell am i hurt?
Well, try seeing things from another view next time.
I won't disturb you right now.
Both of us are busy.

2009-04-09T03:15:00.000+08:00

I am furious.
Way beyond furious.

examsss maxamsss

2009-04-06T23:54:00.002+08:00

I am so so so darn tired from school today.
Was in school from 8.30am all the way to 9pm.
But I'm glad that I went for the last lesson today for both of the lectures.
BS108 was okay.. FIL230 was better.
He told us what we needed to prepare roughly for the exams and also what are the questions that should be coming out.
Gonna be an open book exam so i ought to take full advantage of that.

First papers starts next week wednesday! And after that it'll just pass by like a blur till exams are over. Nas, Ais, WH, Fizah + me already have some plans for the last day of exams.
Yeeeha!
Okay focus on the exams first!
Really have to up my GPA this sem.. Please oh brain don't fail on me! :S

I'll update this blog as and when I have some free time.. or when I feel like I have to.
Haha!

CHIAOZ!

2009-03-23T23:11:00.002+08:00

Hi Everyone!

Say hi to SOCKS!

It's really really adorable and slept with me yesterday night, snuggling beside me under the warm warm blankie.

But I had to eventually put it in the toilet cos it was moving all around the bed.

Hawhaw!

I hope brownie, my other cat gets use to him soon!

I love em both!

Oh and not forgetting my sayang either.

Hehehe.

Of the beauty of love.

2009-03-23T01:27:00.002+08:00

I truly have not much luck looking for people to bunk in with this sem.

I think this is my third time kena reject lah.

Oh wells!

Well that's the bad news and the good news is that my parents will be renting a house in Admiralty, i think. Err, They just keep changing their minds lah. Will be moving on the 11th/12th April which is just a few days before my 1st paper, which is on the 15th. At least I'm not gonna commute from JB to Singapore.

Had my run with dear just now and I can say that I'm so weak!

After not running for sooo long. Hahaha! We ran less than 1.6km, i think.

After which we just strolled back home.

Hawhaw.

Another week up! One week less to my exams.

Mugging fever please bug me!

Okay, not literally please.

Hawhaw.

Okay!

Enough Haws, back to my Principles Of Genetics lecture!

Yes I know....... BORING!

you call them family.

2009-03-18T22:44:00.002+08:00

It's quite sad when you suddenly feel awkward with people whom you usually love to be around during family gatherings and everything.

Seriously, I am sick of my family politics.

Thanks to this certain person in my family.

I have totally lost respect in that GUY.

If you were ever in my position, you'd understand how I feel.

No, the reason why one day I'd like to shift overseas is not cos of my mum.

My mum advices me to go overseas.

It's cos of all these family poilitics.

I study hard, I build my future.

I get a boyfriend and what you all think is that,

I'M WASTED and THAT HAVING ONE HAS DESTROYED ME.

My life works in a different way from you.

There's why there is diversity in this universe.

It's alright, I have nothing to prove to you.

Cos you've already proved to people how worthy you are.

Please, if you want to show the world how "holy" you are or how "good" you are,

just don't disturb my life, my nuclear family.

I don't freaking care what you want to do with your life.

Just don't disturb my MUM, my DAD, my SISTERS, my BOYFRIEND and me.

what a bad week.

2009-03-14T01:54:00.000+08:00

To sum off the week so far, it has been pretty awful.

This was really one of those weeks where anything you do, just screws your week up even more.

Some people have been there to hear me out, namely Aishah who has been listening to my woes every single day, whether I'm online or in school with her. I think she can see how worn down I am. Qila & Faz consoled me too, thanks dears.

I really appreciate it a lot.

I do feel a little better now.

I'm still "homeless" for that 2 months.

I'll be alright.

My family will be alright, we'll figure a way out.

Think I'll find some work then if i manage to and save some money for the next school term.

Gotta be more independent now, you know.

Haha.

Perhaps my parents are still for the idea of renting a house in JB.

I'm still not sure.

If i can't find a job then perhaps, if my parents rent a house in JB, i'll be mostly there.

I hope next week will be a better week.

Have a good week ahead everyone. :)

I don't know just how you do it.

2009-03-12T02:43:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I don't know to explain certain things to people.

Like say, people can try to talk me out of certain things.

But when it comes down right to you, they just can't.

No matter what they say about you, they just can't.

I feel just so.. complete.

And my parents are worried that I am too attached to you.

That we are too emotionally attached.

Cos they fear that things won't work out between us.

I know my parents love me.

And are just trying to protect me from being hurt by people.

They will always remind me that I am only new to love.

That everything appears lovely cos we're just newly in love.

And that when marriage life kicks in, things will appear different.

That all the nasty things will appear.

I understand that my parents are just trying to protect me.

I know that very well.

But.... How do I phrase this?

What I know is that even though Ari and I have our ups and downs,

he makes me feel happy.

I'm sure as parents, you'd want your daughter to be happy right?

Hurt is just part of life which we will always have to deal with.

If we are forever cautious in life, when will we ever be happy?

Fate is determined by God, but effort must be put in by us.

It doesn't mean that I'm not married to Ari, that I should not put in effort into the relationship with him right?

If I'm not gonna be serious with him, then why would I want to date him right?

I love my parents, I love my family, I love Ari too.

He's just a big part of me as you all are.

Doesn't mean I love him, there's lesser love for my family in my heart.

In fact it just means that i've made more room in my heart to love him.

But the space that's for my family, will always be there for them.

This new path?

2009-03-09T13:09:00.002+08:00

I think the only time that I blog these days is when I feel troubled or just need to get something off my chest.

Therefore, my blog sounds like I'm having troubles every single day, which is not true. Haha.

At this point of time though, I think I'm going through a really tough time.

Just had my second rejection. Still having headaches about school, I'm thinking about jumping from "here to there", thinking about where the hell i'm gonna stay during exams and I've got some stuffs that I have to settle with regards to myself too.

Sometimes, some things just happen and WHAM!
You realize the reality of how things are.
It's not exactly all bad, but it's not entirely good either.
And I can't describe to you how I am feeling inside.
I can't even decipher it myself.

But you know what, this time round, I will figure it out myself.
After all, no matter how people tell you that you aren't alone in this world.
Yeah right.
In the end, it will still come down to you, you and you.
Just you, alone.

Nope, I don't need any consoling.
It'll just soften me up.
I've been too soft already.
I need my shell back.

No no to facebook with your mum on it.

2009-03-08T00:36:00.003+08:00

I think parents and facebook just don't mix.

Ahh. What the hell, SPOIL MY MOOD!

when the ink spoils the milk.

2009-03-04T13:57:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I don't get it.

I know that as a human being, to be forgiving is one of the things that you should learn.

But let's say.. how about a murderer?

Would you forgive a murderer for his act?

Would you say that the person should be given a second chance?

Would that be ethical?

I'm just feeling a bit bothered now.

But I believe that everybody has their own free will to choose to have ties with someone or not.

It just bothers me, cos I feel a sense of hypocrisy in what they are doing.

How can you still idolize someone, or let's not say idolize, but how can you lick back your own spit?

The person in the first place, while trying to save his ass, comes up with 1 million excuses which includes roping people in into his own shit hole.

I mean, family or not, won't you feel a sense of anger in you, or at least disappointment?

Seriously, I have my own principles.

When someone does that to you, it just shows that the person only cares for himself.

The only important person to him is himself.

His life. His money. His world. His say.

Fine, if i meet you, i will acknowledge you.

But that's as far as my principles will bring me to do.

Respect has to be gained.

Not just cos you are older, you can do anything and we'll still have to respect you.

You reap what you sow.

So I don't believe that the rest should be like this.

It's just making his head BIGGER.

Do the right thing.

We are all adults now.

I can't talk you out of it.

Cos you'll think that I'm just prejudiced.

We have our own minds right?

Well, I've spoken my mind now.

Awww... shucks!

2009-02-23T14:46:00.001+08:00

I feel so lazy to go for class later.

But then... If I didn't attend, we'll have to write an essay.

Which is even worse than not coming.

I managed to get a space in hall, but then again, when I was pretty excited about it, the person bailed out.

Just not my luck i guess.

What I wish for.

2009-02-18T07:21:00.002+08:00

Dear Allah,

Before I start my day, I hope you grant me strength and help me persevere through school today.

Dear Allah,

Before I start my day, I hope you give me parents strength and patience so that they can have ease in their work today and for the rest of the other days in the week. Please help them pull through any obstacles that they might face, might it be at work, at home, anywhere.

Dear Allah,

Before I start my day, I hope you give my love, Ari, strength and patience and give him a helping hand in guiding his students in school. Please help him pull through his scholarship rounds, oh Almighty, as I believe that Ari is deserving of it, as he is man of passion in his work and I know that he will perform his duty well, insyallah, to his job and to You.

Dear Allah,

Before I start my day, I hope you bless everyone's life, especially dear Aishah and all my other friends, with much love, much happiness and help them in whatever they are going through now.

Amin.

Have a good day everyone! :)

Happy kekasih Day!

2009-02-16T00:53:00.002+08:00

One last week of school before the term breakkie is here!

But brekkie also means that exams are near. I better fully utilize my term break and catch up with the rest of my revision. Rawr!

Things have been pretty stressful for me. Sometimes I can't put a finger on what exactly I am stressed about. I know school is one, family is another. So many issues whizzing here and there. That's why one day I wanna run. Run run run run far.

And start anew.

I finally met my beloved on saturday!

And he surprised me with a bouquet of 5 roses.

5 roses to represent our monthsary date. :)

Our dinner was pretty bad cos we had to wait for the food for like 45 mins.

Had I known pastamania was halal, I'd have gone there! :)

Aishah was in the surprise with Ari. Naughty naughty! Though I already suspected le!

Thanks dear! I owe you one. :)

Next week, I'm setting up a booth during SBS Day.

Do come support us by coming down on Thursday, 19/02/2009, 10.30am to 5.30pm!

We're selling threadless tees and also ELF cosmetics.

If not, just come down and see me! Wahahaha. :P

Okay, have a good weekend ahead all!

About to fall sick.

2009-02-10T12:45:00.002+08:00

At this rate that I'm going, I think I'm gonna fall sick soon.

I'll be glad when the week's over.

Save meeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Happy 20th monthsary my love!

2009-02-05T03:20:00.002+08:00

Before I head to bed, I'd like to say...

Happy 20th monthsary sayang!

I love you loads and loads and loads.

Can't wait to meet my love and have dinner @ the garden.

Hokkien Mee here we come!!

I'm sorry.

2009-01-30T01:10:00.002+08:00

Losing a family member is not a good thing.

You make it sound so easy for us.

Never even spare a thought for your family.

You did this before, and now I don't know how exactly to react.

It's childish.

Foolish.

You chose your path, now have it your way.

I don't know what to do.

Perhaps we'll be cordial.

You are still who you are to me, no matter what arguments we had.

But I'm sorry, even then things won't be the same.

There, what's done is done.

We lead new lives now.

Hmm.. Tomorrow's friday.

I miss my sayang!

I think he's super knocked out cos he had a really long day today at school.

Perhaps teaching is not his cup of tea. Lol!

Not sure if it's for me either.

I can teach tuition, one to one.

But I have no idea what will happen when it's the whole class against me.

I think i'll be able to meet sayang on Sunday.

Provided I finish my work & the revision that I want to do.

I gotta stop sleeping late, or not I won't be able to wake up for school.

Have movie screening tomorrow!

I hope it's not boring.

I think one of them is howl's castle.

I should have watched it when sayang rented the cds last year!

*Knocks my head*

Speaking of my head, it's getting a little better.

Though the swell is still there.

Played soccer with my cousin, sister and my sayang + his students & some strangers.

Was fun!

Have a good weekend y'all!

I need to meet my sex-god boyfriend soon!

(haha, internal joke! :P)

time to get cracking!

2009-01-25T13:35:00.003+08:00

My muscles are aching from badminton now.

Shows how weak i am!

Lol.

Today is sunday.

I will study today, i will start revision today.

Chop chop no time.

Stay home study sunday!

i don't want things to repeat for me. i don't want my kids to go through the same thing as i did.

I want my children to grow up in a good environment.

I want my husband and I to love each other deeply and truly till we get really really old.

And no cold wars, we'll talk it out with each other.

Especially not quarreling in front of the children.

And definitely will not want to make my children get stucked in the middle.

Sometimes I get really scared.

Cos I don't want all of this to repeat again.

They always tell me to be careful.

I know there are bound to be lots of challenges later.

But perhaps, with god's will, things can be solved in a different manner.

I'll love my husband and my kids.

And protect them with all my life.

I really don't want to get them involved in another broken family syndrome.

Sometimes it's fine, but when it's not fine, it's nasty.

I want my children to have a good childhood, not like mine.

Very dark, and haunting.

But I don't blame anyone for what I went through.

Perhaps those times make me want to work harder.

Make me want to be a better person.

So that I don't relive those moments.

Not again in my life.

More wars.

2009-01-25T04:28:00.003+08:00

Sometimes they pity her, but these days it's been pretty bad.

Maybe they are not understanding her more.

They know that she's not working and staying at home.

But, it was first and foremost her choice.

Even when she's not working and staying at home, they don't really get to eat at home everyday, get proper cooked meals everyday nor does she really do a lot of housework so sometimes they don't know what she's complaining about.

She calls it stress staying at home everyday.

They who go out almost everyday are also stressed too.

They have stress from school & work.

When they come home, they want to rest.

Sometimes they end up doing more work.

If she's working then perhaps they can sympathize with her.

They try to help around as much as they can.

But does she know of her responsibilities at home?

Does she know that when she wanted to become a nanny, that it's adding on to her responsibilities?

Cold wars, cold wars.

Money, money.

Never enough.

Him & her having cold war.

Mention money and everything gets tense.

They understand where she's coming from.

She's not working and yet her money flows out.

He's working and keeping quiet about money.

And that she has to pay the bills like she has a full time paying job.

Them, them who are stucked in the middle at times.

Having to work around the cold war.

Not knowing who to support, him or her.

They wish that things could be talked out openly.

Then perhaps the matter could be solved.

This is life for them.

Slackerooo!

2009-01-22T10:54:00.002+08:00

It's thursday already.

Tomorrow will have a film screening to attend in the morning followed by one last 109 lecture to attend before the long weekends are here!

Have already prepared a list of stuffs to do for the weekends.

I wanna go play badminton this Saturday but must see if there's any clash with other meets.

Just had my psy101 lecture and it was about sleep.

Haha, I should probably sleep more cos less sleep makes me more dumb. :S

Yesterday met dear to pass his charger cos I forgot to pass it to him when he was at home. So I had to make my way to woodlands where he fell asleep in the library.

He had to go to city hall to meet up with his friends to pass their items and so, since I remembered I had vouchers to use, I went with him as well.

Ended up just chillaxing with beloved at coffee bean for awhile and after that, we went home.

Dear was lucky to get a ride home from my dad cos my dad was also going out to drive taxi. Haha!

The US currency is slowlyyyy appreaciating againn.

I'm offff for lunch at NIE! hawhaw.

Till then.

More work, more work. No thanks.

2009-01-20T23:41:00.003+08:00

I dropped HMF1 and decided to take FIL230 instead. Asian film history. I tell you, it's gonna be an even crazier sem than last sem. Cos this sem feels heavy. For both electives, I have to do much more than just attend the assigned tutorial or lecture slots, I have extra stuffs for the electives.

For Intro to Psychology, I have to go for these survey slots and I have to FIGHT for them with everyone else in the class. I have yet to even log in and check what slots they have. Cos right now, I'm trying to catch up with my core modules. I don't want to just do tutorials and not understand what's going on in the topic. I think I made that mistake last sem and I can't afford to repeat it again this sem.

My cat is missing again. And I really give up. I miss him a lot, but he has been running away way too many times. Perhaps he just wants to leave. I'll look for him again. I miss him. And I hope no ones does bad things to him. And I hope he finds food. He's been away for one night already. Ciak.... Please come home. :(

Dear just went back just now. He came over to pack the orders. Think sayang has slimmed down already. I love you dear, no matter how angry I can be with you. I was kinda hurt just now, but I'm okay now. Think sayang didn't mean what he said. I don't want you to be sad cos I feel hurt or anything. I'm okay k dear? But truly, sayang has been the best. He's been doing all the packing these days. I'm so sorry love. School is killing me. :S

I'm looking forward to the CNY holidays. I NEED the holidays. I need it cos I have to study. I need the grades! Really badly. I already promised myself that I will work hard for this sem so that I can push my GPA up.

It's only tuesday. I need a hug.

A long, warm hug.

Breathless.

2009-01-19T13:50:00.002+08:00

Here you are now

Fresh from your war

Back from the edge of time

And all that you were,

Stripped to the bone

I thought you'd want to know

That when you feel the world is crashing

All around your feet

Come running headlong into my arms

Breathless

I'll never judge you

I can only love you

Come now running headlong

Into my arms

Breathless

Lay down your guns

Too weak to run

Nothing can harm you here

Your precious heart

Broken and scarred

Somehow you made it through

I only ask that you won't go again

When you feel the world is crashing

All around your feet

Come running headlong into my arms

Breathless

I'll never judge you

I can only love you

Come now running headlong

Into my arms

Breathless

So glad to see you smiling

So good to hear your laugh

I think that you've found you even

Missed yourself

I'm only asking this because I think that

Truth be told

Oh, you'll never go again

Again

When you feel the world is crashing

All around your feet

Come running headlong into my arms

Breathless

I'll never judge you

I can only love you

Come now running headlong

Into my arms

Breathless

Will always be here for you through it all.

No matter how long I have to wait.

Important is that now or later,

our love will still be strong.

Huggs. :)

sometimes you feel alone.

2009-01-17T01:44:00.003+08:00

Finally got my 2nd module.

I have no idea if it'll be a mistake or not.

HMF1 so far.. I see no familiar faces, well, perhaps one but I don't think she knows me. Seen her around in JJ before, and that's it.

Kinda feel gloomy now. Have 3 more months to exams. It's a vicious cycle, have to buck up like mad. Have to get the GPA that I need. What I have now is seriously just really really bad.

Haish.

It's stressful.

Guess I just need some time to relax.

Just relax.

Do nothing.

Not even business.

Trust me, even that is stressful.

Who would want to do nothing with me?

love.

2009-01-16T05:01:00.002+08:00

sometimes, i just can't help feeling this way.

Can't say that everything's perfect.

But I'm happy.

sometimes, i just can't help but to dream.

Can't say that it'll all come true.

But I'm happy.

With you.

2009-01-15T01:36:00.001+08:00

TIME TO BUCK UP, BIG TIME.

seriously can't afford last sem's grades.

i will work harder. I MUST.

New Term New Term!

2009-01-10T01:41:00.002+08:00

It's a whole new sem. Another rigorous round of rushing tutorials, study study study and more study study study.

First week of school has just gone by like that. Already, i feel a little tired, so I don't think I'll be going anywhere this weekends. I have tutorials to rush already! Haha.

Business has been okay. There's always the ups and downs. Mainly, the latest frustration would be my uncle butting in asking me whether I know what I'm doing when I'm collecting orders for ELF cosmetics. Seriously, he doesn't know what kind of business I'm doing. We have done our research already for goodness sake. He really did spoil my day. Cos I was already so tired and I had school the next day.

My main frustrations were how he didn't fully understand what we were doing and then became so jugdemental over it, never wanting to stop and even look for reviews on the net. He initially offered to help us, and in the end when I said that perhaps Ari and I wanna take a break cos school is starting, he told me not to waste EVERYONE's time.

That just made me blow my top. For goodness' sake! Ari & I slogged our whole entire holidays to get this business going on our own. Trying to get orders for our business and he says we are wasting everyone's time? He doesn't know how hard we worked for this. How many sleepless nights we had, staying up worrying about our orders and making sure they arrive her on time and that our customers won't have to pay so much for shipping. How can he say that?

And truly, Ari & I did consider not continuing this business but we want to persevere and work hard. My uncle thinks I'm arrogant cos I said that things will be okay. He keeps insisting that I will get sued for taking orders for ELF cosmetics. Like oh my gosh. Seriously, I don't know how much he knows about what kinda business I'm doing. He just infuriates me a lot. He's my uncle alright, but sometimes when I know I'm right, then it'll be right.

Enough about my frustrations, saturday & sunday will be spent at home, trying to catch up with school work and also planning my timetable for next week. I had fun for the first week of school. Mainly, there was time to go Jurong Bird Park, have dinner with the D&D comm at sakura, meet Erika and Ais for breakfast and lotsa things!

And last Monday (05/01) was our 19th! :) Happy belated 19th dear! I love you lots. Jurong Bird Park with dear was really funn though I think I scolded him for cheering at one of the shows. I'm sorry love! Seriously, the mood for the show was BAD. I'm seriously lazy to update photos here so... this makes this whole entry DRY. haha!

Sakura Dinner was also great! I stuffed myself to the brim. The food was not bad. Some were really good! But there were also mediocre ones. Overall though, I had a good time with the D&D commers cos we really had an adventure before reaching our destination! We were lost really and starving cos we wanted to make sure we made the buffet worth it! Lol!

And... I'm so glad I managed to meet Erika and also with Aishah for breakfast! I haven't met e-e for don't know how long! She's still as petite as she was. But still fierce! Haha! We spent a few hours just catching up. It was really fun as well!

So.. here's where all the fun fun fun has to go undergo some conformational changes to study study study! Lol!

I'm off to bed now. I have to wake up early tomorrow!

Till then.

A very long engagement.

2008-12-26T22:31:00.002+08:00

I have been really busy with loads of things at the moment. School's opening in a week's time, like can you believe it? And then it's back to the rigorous mugging for a good 4 months before our LONG holidays starts.

Oh come on, school's not starting yet and I'm talking about the next coming holidays?! Haha.

I hope to see myself work harder in this next semester. The past semester has been quite bad for me. Time to pull up my socks!

So what have I been busy with?

So yes you know, I have been busy with gimme gimme sprees. Over the past week, we were trying to advertise our sprees especially on facebook. Sorry about the spamming people. We just need to reach the masses on this one. That we're trying our best in doing quality service for everyone at a reasonable price.

After taking loads of orders for Threadless, now we're kinda stucked in a rut cos the prices have gone back to their normal prices and we're not sure if people wanna buy them or not. We can't just depend on friends only. We gotta reach to the friends of friends and the friends of friends of friends and so forth. Gotta tap into other people's networks.

Right now, we're having a Threadless spree, a Design By Humans spree & also aeropostale spree. We hope to get more orders. I hope you all can just help me by promoting my site.

Tomorrow's my sister's engagement ceremony! Been busy the whole day helping my mum clean the house and helping my sister do things. I'm so tired! But I hope my sister's happy, that my mum's happy.

Throughout the week, have been helping her do up the gifts, get stuffs for the gifts. Cos for our malay engagement ceremony, the female and male's side have to exchange gifts to each other. My sister's theme is blue & white. Very nice! My mother just bought the bedsheets yesterday. It's a nice cream colour. Looks very wedding-ish. Lol! But the room is nicely done up. Tomorrow will be a more busy day for us. But it's okay! I hope dear comes, but then he has "something" on i believe. Haha! Yes I know, 2 for 1 deal.

I best be off now. Please! I need your help! Thanks so much!

I'm fine!

2008-12-17T22:44:00.002+08:00

Don't worry, I'm fine now. :)

The trip was quite disastrous for me but it was a lesson learnt, big time.
Things are picking up.
I am feeling much much better now, and I am slowly getting things straight back, one by one.

I hope I piece every broken little piece back into place.
Less than 3 weeks till school starts.
Must get geared up for school already.

We are fine.
We had a really rough storm.
But we're still us.
And we're still learning.
Tough times now for the better times tomorrow, god willing!

Went out today!
Had a meeting with Jun hou at first to discuss D&D stuffs.

Then, I met Ri at City Hall. Must say that the dress I wore today was so not me!
Too..... revealing. Last time I'm gonna wear that!
Nonetheless, I had a great time today at National Museum of Singapore with Ri.
Yups!
Another one of our "excursions".
The exhibits were really great!
I really really love NMS a lot.
Perhaps, if i have money, i'll have my wedding there?
Lol, i really love the ambience in the building.
So many changes since I went there in my primary school days.

Have a lot more pictures but I'll show ya in the next post. Think I'll update soon.

It was a great day spent. :)

Tomorrow I shall stay at home and settle my D&D stuffs.
Headache!

I'm off now.

To sleep!

Till then.

2008-12-12T09:35:00.002+08:00

I had nightmares last night. Even sleep can't numb me.

When I woke up, everything just came rushing back.

It's terrible. But I believe that how you're feeling now is much more terrible.

Punishment for me. Never want to see you like this anymore. Never want to treat you like this anymore.

I want to go home.

One more night.

2008-12-12T01:05:00.002+08:00

Everyone does mistakes. Some mistakes are little, forgivable ones. Some mistakes are big but still forgivable. Some mistakes are not only big, but they are unforgivable.

I guess i'm an all-rounder for this.

I'm just a sucker from them. Even when I never intend to do one, they just come to me, like a magnet.

I did a mistake. And it's unforgivable. And I hurt someone. And I don't know why I did it.

Tonight is a hell of a night. Battling with my headache, myself and everything else in the world. At one point, I was already going crazy. Locking the door, thinking of what to do since I'm alone in the room. No one would know. At this point I feel like no one does care anyway.

It will be very quiet. I think it's best that it's quiet for me. I won't be looking for anyone, and no one will be looking for me. Solitude.

Solitude for punishment. From everyone.

My mind's already in a mess. Now, I'm beyond messy. Now I'm just no one.

Tomorrow will be a hard day for me. Acting it out. I don't want to laugh, yet i have to. I don't want to eat, but I have to. As it is now, I'm fighting my tears back. I can't cry in front of my family. No way. Never.

I just want to go home. In my room. Where I can cry for now.

Punishment.
Punishment.
Punishment.
Punishment.
Punishment.
Punishment.

Perhaps the best thing for you, is if I am no more. Then I can never hurt you.

Away from home and not loving it.

2008-12-11T22:26:00.002+08:00

Hi all,

Right now I'm down with a bad headache. I'm now alone in the hotel in Terengganu. Parents off to buy stuff and my sister's in the other room with my cousins. Just wanted to have some quiet so that's why I'm alone now.

Will only be able to surf the net tonight and then tonight I'm off to Lake Kenyir and I believe they have no wireless connection there.

My digital camera that I share with dear is spoilt. Lens error. Same kinda fault that happened with Tam's camera on prom night. I hope that I can get it fixed fast. I think i still have warranty on this camera.

My headache is seriously painful. Already ate medicine and my head is still throbbing. I have no idea why I suddenly have it.

I think lately I feel like my mind's in a mess. And sometimes it just gets really haywire and I really start to think stupid things. One of the things that is bothering me is my results. I am really really worried about it. I know that I should probably enjoy my holidays as much as I can now instead of worrying about my results.

I can forget about my results but at the back of my mind it's still there bugging me.

Headache.

I feel like my life's really messy now. I'm really messy. My mood's really messy. My emotions are all over, and they change so fast, they get hurt so fast. I have to figure out what is bothering me before school starts. I have to straighten myself out before school starts. Maybe this trip to Terengganu should be the chance for me to think, and to sort out my emotions, sort out my mind, sort out myself. Sort everything out.

My current state has been getting me into a lot of trouble. I don't want to get myself into anymore trouble! And I certainly do not want to lose anyone or anything cos of me being like this.

I think I've been acting really weird lately and not being myself. I can feel it myself.

My headache is really acting up now. I best be off now.

I can't wait to go home!!!!!!

And I hope when I'm home, I'm in a much better state than what I was when I left home.

Much love!
Till then.

leaving in a day's time.

2008-12-09T01:49:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I hate what comes out of my mouth. I can sound really stupid and I can really bring up the wrong topics at the wrong time.

It doesn't matter if I sound really stupid, but it does matter when the wrong topics that I bring up will hurt or affect people around me.

I don't want to hurt people.

I should be more careful.

Sad..

2008-12-07T18:35:00.004+08:00

It's the eve of Hari Raya Haji. Just finished cleaning up the house, feeling a little tired now. Mum's not cooking this year cos of the baby I guess.

Dear's away for Hari Raya Haji and he's sick. He already called just now to say he's leaving soon but he hasn't yet smsed me saying that he's in jb already. He must be really sick. I feel miserable. He's coming back tomorrow night, tuesday he's working, tuesday night I leave for Terengganu.

I won't be able to meet him till next Sunday & I think i'll go crazy. I will miss ri a lot. I feel sad cos of this, but I must be strong. It's only a week. Insyallah, we will meet again.

After listening to the takbir, I feel more calm. Initially I was crying away, but I figured that I have to be strong and pray to Allah that Ri gets well soon, that his journey to kampung and back will be a smooth one and so will my holiday be.

I should always remind myself that Allah is great, that Insyallah, things will be okay. If things aren't, then it's just takdir and we must reda.

Have a happy Hari Raya Haji!

I miss having family gatherings and so I look forward to tomorrow's gathering at my grandparent's place.

And I look forward to your safe return, love. Even though we don't get to meet, at least I'll still be able to talk to you before I leave for Malaysia.

Lots of Love,
Till then.

Hort Park & Marina Barrage!

2008-12-02T23:43:00.002+08:00

Oh sweet sweet holidays!

Like finally i can have the time to sit down and blog. I've been out a lot cos I have to settle D&D stuffs and also have outings with dear. Out of the list of places that we've been to, I've been to 2 this week!

That's mostly cos the whole of next week I won't be able to meet him or even contact him cos i'll be away in malaysia for the holidays. Though terengganu is reported to have flood, i'm sure my parents are quite stubborn and wanna go there still. Lol.

I've been to Marina Barrage on last Saturday and today, i went to Hort Park. I haven't uploaded pictures of Hort Park yet but the park is really not bad. If you wish to hike a little, you can take the other trail up to Mount Faber. It was so scary! I'm sure dear had a good laugh out of my screaming. I seriously seriously am afraid of heights. We had our own picnic there and managed to get a sheltered spot where we were stranded at cos it was raining. We talked a lot while we waited for the rain to let up.

Marina Barrage was a pretty pretty sight! I love the place. Took a lot of pictures there. Bad thing was we didn't come with food cos we were from a wedding and thought that it'll just be okay to go there. The place is very scenic. I'm sure you all would like to go there just to chillax a bit. :)

Currently I'm busy managing Gimme Gimme Sprees. Forever21 spree is up and if you're interested, you can order. Just check the website out for any further details of orders that you've made with us.

Now i'm off to watch gossip girl and then go to bed.

Till then.

We need your support.

2008-11-28T01:55:00.002+08:00

My exams are over!

Now i'll have time to work on my D&D stuffs and also on other stuffs.

I have already created a website for sprees that we're hosting. What we do is simple, we order for you and ship them to singapore from US and then we charge you a handling fee for all the manual work we have to go through. :)

For the shipping charges, it will be shared by how many people who have made orders. Simply said, more orders, less shipping. We take the exchange rate as 1.53.

The payment will be broken up into 2. One before we order and one after the orders have arrived.

Please do support me.

The website is www.gimmegimmesprees.blogspot.com

Currently I have a Threadless Tee spree going on. I aim to order 20 Tees so that the shipping fee is reduced for each tee. If you're interested, do check it out.

Thank you!

Threadless Tees Spree.

2008-11-26T03:39:00.004+08:00

Hi people!

With the weakening of the US dollar, let's take this opportunity to shop for stuffs. (the US could possibly rise in 8 months time and then it'll be more expensive to shop there. lol!) Teamgimmegimme is opening a spree for threadless T-shirts. They're having an annual holiday sale. Tees are going for U$5, US$10 and US$15. Spread the word around!

If you're interested, just email the order stating the design, size, and price to teamgimmegimme@gmail.com. :)

Thanks!

Second Batch Aeropostale Ordered.

2008-11-26T01:37:00.002+08:00

Hi friends!

Aeropostale Batch 2 is already closed. :) Will be ordering it tomorrow (Wednesday) cos I have enough orders already. But you can still order with me if you want. No worries.

I'm gonna start a business out of this! Not a big one, just a small one first. I'll be posting/opening sprees here on my blog for the time being.

I really really appreciate all your help & thanks. Hopefully everything goes smoothly. Don't worry I haven't been spending much time on this. Ari has been helping me out with the orders.

When we have decided to open a new website solely for the purpose of sprees, i'll advertise here. Haha.

I have one more paper left to go! And after Thursday, I am freeeeee! :) yeayness.

Okay friends, I just need one last favour from all of you! Please do help support me if you see any spree going on. Just the mere action of telling your friend(s) will be appreciated so so so much!

I'm really having trouble with publicity especially on livejournal as there are too many competitors already or that those who are advertisers for spree sites are way too nasty. Do help me out here!

I'm off to mug for BS104! :)

Once again, thanks.

Till then.

Aeropostale Order Anyone?

2008-11-24T22:07:00.004+08:00

Hi people!

Sorry if I keep advertising stuffs!

I'm currently ordering stuffs from US and aeropostale is having 50% off almost all items! :)

I'm having trouble spreading this.

It's not easy to start something like this.

But if any of you like anything from the site, do not hesitate to tag me and ask me for details.

Do check the website out.

It's www.aeropostale.com

I already ordered the first batch and so far it's going on well despite certain problems earlier.

Do order asap as their items then to get out of stock (OOS) quite fast. :)

Thanks a lot.

So glad, so grateful.

2008-11-23T05:06:00.001+08:00

I am so glad that my beloved cat is back.

Thanks to my neighbour, whom i actually know, I got my dear ciak back.
I am so so so glad and grateful.

Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Crazy ideas.

2008-11-20T04:39:00.003+08:00

Hi all!

If you see this, can you give me a helping hand?

I wanna try this vpostusa out. (yes, i know i have itchy fingers.)
It's a service by Singapore Post and it helps you ship stuffs from online shops that don't ship to Singapore by giving us a US address. Usually, if you spend above a certain sum, they ship free to the US address. But you have to pay for the shipping fee from US to Singapore though.

If I do this all on my own, it's gonna cost me way way way a lot and whatever cheap deals i get from buying stuffs overseas, will not be as cheap before. So the rationale from having all these different orders is that you share the international shipping fee. So you'll pay much lesser than just doing the shipping on your own. So you get my drift?

I wanna try out with one website first though. If it works out this time, then we all can use it again. :) We can even try shipping from other online shops like forever21 etc etc. Usually they're sale bargains are pretty okay. :)

If you're interested to help me out, you can just drop a message on my taggie board.

I wanna start with shipping stuffs from aeropostale.com
It'll have to be above USD 100 though.

Haha, I know it's a crazy out of nowhere idea but if you think you can help me make this work, then that'll be good. :)

Aeropostale is having 30% off but you have to tell me your order before 23rd okay? :)

Not knowing how to explain things.

2008-11-19T03:34:00.003+08:00

Today's paper was disastrous. :(
I just really really really hope I get an S for it.
Have two more papers to go.
One on next tuesday and one on next thursday.

Met dear today for dinner.
Haha!
Usually our dinner dates are really simple.
Just makan and go home.

Sayang had to go off earlier cos he has this ORD chalet thing with his friends.
He calls it a stag party.
Haha!
I hope you have fun there dear.
:)

Till then, i'm off to bed.

Sometimes, I wish you would understand more.
Not you, it's you.

Someday I'll be away, and perhaps it's too late to understand then.

Sometimes, whatever I do, might not be right, might not make sense, might not be to your liking but bottomline is I still care for you. Will always care for you and love you.

I want you to understand that I am happy. And one day when you've found yours, you'll know how I feel.

All stressed, tired and on the verge of giving up.

2008-11-17T20:05:00.002+08:00

Organic Chem paper just now was quite a disaster. There was too much information to be digested that I kinda screw it up. The paper was quite hard, i couldn't even do one synthesis question.

Tonight I'll have to cram all the chinese characters for tomorrow's paper. I checked my CA marks for this module and it sucks. I don't even know if i can get a C for this paper. Bottomline is, i hope i pass. Will try my best. I really don't wanna retake my chinese module anymore!

Tomorrow will be a better day.
I really really hope so.

Till then.

Back from the dead.

2008-11-15T04:03:00.004+08:00

2 papers down and 4 more to go. After tuesday and I'm left with 2 more papers! But the last two papers, i've yet to study anything for it. HELP ME!

After all the exams, I'm gonna fully utilize my holidays, enjoy every single minute of it and make sure I meet up with all the people I've been unable to meet up with.

I kinda miss my grrlfrens a lot, and I haven't been meeting them for sometime now. I hope you all don't feel as if I've forgotten you all. I'll make it up to you grrls soon! :) Love you grrls. I'm really sorry grrls. I hope you all understand.

I'm kinda down with a bad case of infection now. Haish. What timing! Just had to come during my exams. My lymph nodes was pretty swollen yesterday. Guess it's producing lotsa lymphocytes to battle all the foreign particles coming from my infected feet! I'm going to the doctor again this sunday for a review and hopefully the infection is under control. Or not, i'll be admitted to hospital.

So since I have an infected feet, dear came over to my house just now and brought some food for me. We had ice cream! Those non-chocolate ones, mind you. Cos the doctor says... No chocolates, no peanuts, no crabs and no prawns! And I surprised dear with his Aeropostale Polo Tee which came flying from US all the way to my doorstep yesterday. Glad that dear like them. :)

Oh yeah! Just wanna share something. Go to www.aeropostale.com! They have real nice clothes and good deals there. They're like a sister brand of abrecrombie and fitch. My sis got two shirts for less than 30 bucks cos they were on sale. :) I bought a few shirts myself, though they do take time to reach Singapore. Say.. 3 weeks? If you wanna order them, just tell me if you're interested. :)

Right now, I best be off to sleep. I have a long day tomorrow! Need to cram for Organic Chem module and also Chinese!

Till then.

on the verge of going crazyyyyy!

2008-10-30T01:12:00.002+08:00

I just need to blog before i go to bed and hopefully, be able to wake up early tomorrow to finish tutorials.

This is crazy!

only roughly 13 more days to our first paper!

I'm barely even there with revision. I'm gonna break down. There's so many things to do! Even with all these revision dying for my attention, there's also lab reports and tutorials. I screwed up my econs quiz. And i'm so gonna die for the real test. Oh god, give me strength now, i really really need it. I really need to overcome this first hurdle in uni life!

This feels so hard! Even harder than A's. I feel so lost, with no direction now as to how i'm gonna finish all those revision in less than 2 weeks.

This is really making me going crazy. I'm so scared. So pressured.

I wanna do well for all my modules but how to?

I'm panicking already.

Oh god, help me overcome this battle, help me persevere through this one month before the december break!

Don't let me break until all the papers are over!

I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo screwed.

:(

GROUCHY.

2008-10-29T00:50:00.002+08:00

Alright, at this point i feel a little irritated by the fact that my sister uses my laptop a lot.

Maybe it's cos it's the time of the month that my mood goes swinging 360 degrees.

BUT yeah, it's kinda getting on my nerve.

Can't you just use the house computer?

Grrrrr.

Counting Down.

2008-10-28T00:23:00.002+08:00

There's so much work to do now. So much revision to do.

Last sunday there was supposed to be kenduri at Malaysia cos my grandma's sister is going for her haj. And I also had a raya visiting outing with my TWSS peeps. So torn in between. Besides that, I also have my huge pile of revision to do for exams are in two weeks' time.

So how?

I decided to not go for either and try to catch up with revision.

I haven't gone jalan raya with the twss peeps for two years already.

:(

Still pretty sick.

2008-10-24T00:03:00.001+08:00

I'm still feeling a little heaty now, think i'm still running a temperature.

I have 2 weeks till exams are here!

It's the mugging season everyone.

Must charge on!

2008-10-19T22:57:00.003+08:00

I have a younger sister who really really gets on my nerves.

If I wasn't her sister, I might have disliked her quite a fair bit.
She calls herself hot stuff, but I believe the reason why I'm talking about her is cos she makes me real real angry and agitated.

She's such hot stuff that she's up for auction if you want! You can have her for a day, i don't mind at all.

She's 13 yet so wants so many stuffs of her own, she wants to lead such a glam life. REALITY CHECK, life's not as easy as you want it to be adek.

And REALITY CHECK again, your life doesn't suck. You make it so sucky, trying to live other people's lives!

What's at hollywood, is hollywood. But you gotta take charge of your own life here!
You want people to respect you more and don't go looking for trouble with you?
Then mirror yourself first!
You know you are a capable person. You can be smart if you want to.
So work hard towards better grades!

You want a good life later?
Then wake up now.
You want to migrate to LA later?
Then learn to work hard for it.

Our parents won't be able to fend for you little sister.
You determine your own future.

I do complain to Abang Ari about you. Cos I try so hard to be patient with you, to listen to your woes and to try to understand whatever that you're going through. Have I not helped you when you have trouble with your friends? Have I helped you when you have something you want to ask from Mama or Baba?

Sometimes you just don't want to wake up.
Come on adek, you want a good life, you seriously have to work for it.
It's time you really improve on yourself before you think you're "hot stuff".

Our sanctuary.

2008-10-18T02:34:00.002+08:00

I can't imagine I went home so late on a Friday.
We had to start on our lab reports, of which we messed up the dates of submission for one of them and had to rush them as we had to finish them before Monday. We really were chiong-ing our lab report just now. Stress!

Sadly, Ais and I didn't get to eat our favourite laksa cos we were 5 minutes too late in the queue.
But it's okay!
Next week then!

So I got home to an empty house cos everyone was out, mum sent my sis to guitar class, dad working. Was supposed to meet sayang for a jog initially but sayang suggested we change our plans and go for a long walk.

When I reached home, I saw my cat sleeping on my bed and well, I joined him! Thank god I woke up just in time for maghrib. And so, I was just a little wee late for our date.

Meeting my sayang after a week's headache and stress is pretty refreshing cos we'll usually meet and talk about what has happened and what is gonna happen in the week to come. And today I put on my track shoes and we were off for a long walk, or rather a stroll. It kinda felt like the beach, only now we're surrounded by more trees.

Dear wanted to show me this place where we could see shooting stars in Singapore but I was pretty scared cos it's dark and well... I have night blindness. I hate it when I can't see in the dark cos it just makes me feel so disorientated and so I won't trust my surroundings and have 101 things going through my head. Haha!

I do want to see the shooting stars cos I only got to see them once when I was in Port Dickson with my cousins. It was such a pretty sight!

Sayang hasn't been to the place for awhile now and doesn't know if it's safe enough to go now so... we shall try another day when sayang goes there with Ihsan. :)

I had a wonderful date with dear, a very relaxed one... it felt almost like I was on a holiday with my beloved. And after walking a lot, we just sat down to rest and munch munch! Good thing we brought food. Haha!

Thank you sayang for setting aside time to just let me unwind after a week's worth of school stress! I love you!

And now I'm back at home... alone again.
Mum went to pick up my eldest sis from work.
And so tomorrow's gonna be a real busy day for me!
Have to clean up the house cos my eldest sis's future in laws coming to discuss about their future plans. If everything goes well, they're getting engaged in December! :)

I hope I get time to study amidst all this things.

Till then,
Have a good weekend!
:)

learning to be patient, understanding.... and less manja.

2008-10-17T03:03:00.003+08:00

As of late, I have been real impatient. I want so many things in life, which after much thinking is best if I just remain patient and wait out for it.

I must remember that I have to work hard for all the happiness and life's pleasures. And I must remember to always be grateful for all the things I have now, that if I become more greedy, I might just lose it all and not even get a single strand of it.

I already have a great family, though they have their shortcomings, I must understand why they wouldn't allow me to do this and that at times. It's cos they care for me and want everything to work out well for me.

I'm also grateful for the friends I have, though I may not have many that I'm very very close to. Though sometimes I don't really share all my problems with them, they are still there if I feel down and will drop smses to me to make sure I'm okay.

Last but not least, I ,of course, have my dearest sayang, Ari. As of late, he's been really stressed up trying to juggle his NS work, his theatre work, his family, himself and me. I always say that I'll try to be more understanding, but I'm afraid I haven't been trying hard enough. I have lots of flaws dear, but I hope you'll continue to be patient with me as I correct them.

School has been a real challenge.
I have 3 weeks left to the battle.
And I have to prepare myself for the battle.
I need to make myself get ample rest too.
I think I have insomnia these days, which is bad.
I have so many things to do, I need to prioritize.

I do appreciate all my family members, friends and love.
But sometimes, no matter how many people you're surrounded with...
In the end, it's still your own battle to fight.
Only you.
Alone.

Overload.

2008-10-16T01:25:00.004+08:00

I just smsed goodnight to Ais just now.
But now, i'm still awake.
I tried sleeping really, but i just could not sleep.

I'm pretty worried about tomorrow's test. Be it just mcq or not, i'm just worried cos it's intro to bio and well, i have so so so so much to read about and remember. All those nitty-gritty details. And only 4 weeks to cram for intro to bio, organic chem, biophysics and biochem. I like biochem. Maybe it's cos i've done some reading here and there and feel more confident about it. And i just don't like biophysics cos I haven't done much reading and maybe it's just from the plain fact that it's physics. Haha!

Dear fell asleep again, i've given him 3 missed calls tonight. Well, it's just uncontrollable for him to accidentally fall asleep. Haha, my sayang pangseh me almost every night. Yesterday he called me to.. "report strength." Haha! Well, I shouldn't get too upset about him falling asleep. He's tired, he has work tomorrow and he can't possibly stay up late every night for me and make sure I fall asleep first before he does.

I can be very sensitive when I want to be. And sometimes I do get upset when ri falls asleep suddenly. He can just chat with me and then suddenly.. no replies cos he fell asleep with the laptop on him. Haha! Sayang, sayang. Well, dii tak merajuk tonight k dear? And I hope I won't get upset about you accidentally falling asleep anymore. I know I can be hard on you at times. But I don't want you to feel that I'm too clingy again. So I'll deal with you falling asleep. 17 months of going through this, I wonder why I still can't get used to it. Hmm, I think I should toughen up a bit. Don't get so.. emotional. Lol.

I wonder why I'm still awake now when I'm supposed to be asleep. I'm sure gonna be a zombie tomorrow.

I think i'll just read myself to sleep.

Till then!

AH!!!!! TEST TOMORROW!!!

Oh, and I really really want to travel.
Haish, I feel so jealous of people who can do that at liberty.
Owh wells, just my luck.
BUT!
I STILL WANT TO TRAVEL!
Australia please!!!!!!

Oh..... monday, tuesday wednesday, thursday, friday.

2008-10-13T20:05:00.003+08:00

Only monday, yet I already feel tired. But Lab session was pretty good. Don't feel as lost as other com lab sessions.

I feel kinda sad. Sad cos of a couple of things which are... not really anyone's fault.

Maybe i'm asking too much, or that my pile of work is just bringing out a little bit of emotional side of me.

Would things really be better next year or would it just be as hard/harder?

And little sister, seriously, i think you don't appreciate me allowing you to use my laptop the whole day. When I don't allow you to use it, you call me selfish. When I allow you to use it and after that ask you for my laptop, you make noise. Don't I have the right to use my laptop? There's always the family computer to use.

I hate to be so emotional.

How should i phrase myself?
There's just something bugging me.
I don't like not knowing what is bugging me.
It just makes me more emotional.
not gonna wake you up tonight.
felt like i was bothering you a fair bit.
that i'm taking too much of your time.

In loving memory of my dear cat, kiki.

2008-10-13T01:27:00.001+08:00

Mum got a call on Saturday morning. A chinese auntie called her after we left notices about kiki missing the night before. Not good news at all. Our dear cat has passed away. He jumped from the 7th floor and left us, forever.

My mum, my sister and I were very affected, still very affected. The saddest part is that the auntie threw kiki's carcass away into the dustbin. It would have been better if we could just do a proper burial for him. At least we won't still have hopes of kiki being alive. I still do hope he's still alive but I know that it can't be true.

My sister is deeply affected for kiki was her favourite. Kiki was her companion at home, always accompanying her around the house, even in the toilet. And kiki was a very good and obedient cat. All of us love him. My mum also wept over his death. Kiki always greets us when we go home by rolling on the floor, waiting for us to scratch him.

Rest in peace in cat heaven kiki.
I love you lots.

School craze.

2008-10-10T15:41:00.002+08:00

Ahh... It's a Friday and I have no school and I'm gonna spend it at home... to study.
I have 2 more tests coming up plus I also have like 4 lab reports haunting me now.

I'm feeling quite tired and stressed.

But I know that this will only last for 1.5 more months or so and then it'll be holidays for me. 5 weeks of holidays only but I guess it's better than nothing. Lol.

I'm currently now using the mouse that Ais gave me for my birthday. It's greeeeeennnn! I like. It's pretty and pretty good. Lol. G-cube mouse. Buy Buy! Haha.

So today I plan to start off my BS101. Cos i think there's 7 topics to study for and it's very theory intensive. Means that there's super a lot of stuffs to remember. I think i'm pretty much eager to start it off. If i start revising now, then perhaps i won't have to re-revise much for the exams later. Which I hope is true. Lol.

Yesterday had dinner with my beloved at CCK park (there's a restaurant there) and after that just sat down to talk with dear. It feels good. Being able to just sit down and talk with him and not worry about other things. We do this occasionally but lately we've been pretty stressed with our own stuffs.. namely his work issues and my upcoming tests. I really do treasure these alone moments with him where we just sit down and absorb each other's presence.

Dear says that after my tests are over, we can take a day off and just do something relaxing.... perhaps a picnic. Provided I give in my best for my tests and that I don't skip meals and get ample rest. Haha! So i promised and I will get my picnic!! :)

Coming back to school.

Ais and I tried Mr. Bean's green tea bean ice cream! It's quite nice! Very different taste but very pleasant. It's a little costly thought but I guess once in a while, it's alright. Haha! And I love the cheese pancake! Very nice. :))))

I've been spending time with Ais a lot these days. Mostly cos it's really really hard to like mingle much with people. Sometimes, Peishan will join us, or we'll be around Hanan and Hannah but I guess it's just the normal group of people. Otherwise, it's only Ais and me. Haha! I don't mind cos really, mingling around is the last last last thing on my list. It doesn't even qualify as a priority. And I hope Ais doesn't mind me being around her all the time either. Hehe!

I'm off now. I think i wanna have an afternoon snack.

Till then!
:)

Tired out from hari raya.

2008-10-06T01:53:00.005+08:00

Hari Raya used to be sooo enjoyable for me! Not only cos of the green packets but course of all they very lively gatherings that i'll have with family and friends.

This year is pretty different though. Having school during raya and with tests to study for, hari raya outings are really not on the top of my list. So far i've cleared the people whom I have to visit and I am not looking forward to any raya outings till my mid=terms are cleared, my catching up with school work is done and all lab reports are handed in.

There's just so much to catch up with! I don't really dread school just wished I had more alone time for me to catch up with tutorials and much needed reading!

3 more days to Organic Chem Test.
4 more days to dateline for Lab Report.

Even though I'm not really that enthusiastic for raya outings at this point, I had fun. I managed to roughly clear my mum's and dad's side and also got to meet my father. Dear accompanied me to meet my father cos I know it gets quite awkward when I meet him since I'm not so close to my father. Met my father's mum and his brother whom I've not met for 6 years or so. My father lives in Chinatown with his mum and his brother. I felt so weird wearing baju kurung in Chinatown.... so out of place. Must be wondering why my father, grandma and uncle live in Chinatown right? My late Grandpa is a chinese so my grandma moved in with him and stayed at Chinatown. They've been there ever since! Lol.

uncle, grandma, me, father.

my love and i!

After meeting my father, we headed to my grandma's place at Woodlands. Grandma's been asking me to bring him to her place for hari raya. So since we were already out, we just made our way there. Grandma's sister from Malaysia was in Singapore to celebrate hari raya. My youngest cousin and uncle and aunt, however went back to KL already. My cousin won't be able to enter singapore for 2 months cos she extended her stay here le. I miss that naughty girl already!

Grandma's sister, Me, Grandma, Sayang!

My Uncle Chu and I. :)

Uncle Chu's nu peng you, Auntie Nat!

:) my love and i again!

I didn't really update about the first few days of raya. It was super fun being able to meet all my cousins and family again. I have photos to show! :) We didn't really go raya visiting much this year cos of the secondary school examinations plus the fact that I have exams. We still reached home quite late thougth. Pretty shagged over this few days but I guess, this only comes once a year. Owh wells! The spirit of raya. Haha!

First Day of Hari Raya

All my cousins on my mum's side. (minus my elder sisters who had to work!)

My whole maternal family w/o uncle chu who was late!

My dad's side... not even half of the family! (big family on dad's side)

Hari Raya Day 4

My mum's eldest sister's family plus ours.

Not the full set of cousins. (but with my eldest sis present)

Well, i best be off to lala land. BS104 lab later!

Till then! :)

??

2008-10-02T02:35:00.004+08:00

You'll probably understand or don't understand my post.
If you don't then don't ask k?

Is it normal for it to be like that?
I don't think that's nice.
Or is that how joking around is like?
Maybe that's not how things are usually for me.

Well, the matter itself is very grave.
Joking about it in that manner is just... harsh.
Maybe cos i'm not used to it, that's why I think so.

Knowing how important that thing is to someone.
And going through shit for what has happened, and can still joke about why that person not getting into hot soup for that shit that the person has gone through.
Isn't that kinda wrong?

Maybe for girls, when that happens, we get pretty sensitive.
I guess the cookie crumbles differently for us.
Hah.

Or it's just a different kinda friendship that i have never had before.

I'm not angry.
Just that I don't understand.

:S

Selamat Hari Raya!

2008-10-02T00:17:00.001+08:00

Here's wishing all muslims SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI!

Raya in the midst.

2008-09-30T05:52:00.002+08:00

Alhamdullilah this year, I'm able to almost complete my one month of fast.
And I hope I make it through today.
My body's like gonna give up on me.

Last day of waking up for pre dawn meal.
Last day of fasting.
I feel sad.

But I guess, at the same time, glad for the day of celebration too.

Right now waiting for 6.30am.
Won't allow myself to sleep cos I know if I do, I'll fall into deeeeep slumber.

I have 10 pages worth of Chinese Dictation to go through later.
God, help me!
Today will be a long day for me.
I have tuition in the evening.
Second last tuition session with my dear student, Amalina.
And then... I wish her luck in her PSLE journey.
:)

I know by the end of today, i will be dead beat.
Reach home at 8 plus, will have to clean up the mess at home and I think I'll only be able to sleep past 2.
Lol, hari raya eve tradition i guess.

K!

Off to go practice some chinese characters.

Till then! :)

Being 19.

2008-09-25T23:41:00.009+08:00

19.

The early hours of being 19 wasn't really fine. I just felt old.
Woke up to do housework and look around for shops online which have good apparel deals.
Apparently, not many. Haha!

Two days before my birthday, managed to meet up with the S19 people. It was a really great meet up and they surprised the September Babies with presents and a really delicious cake!
Weisiang, who as ah-beng-ish as he looks, treated the people who are having their shen ri! So unexpected but it's sweet.

I got cotton on tops from S19 and a necklace with a guitar pendant on it. I love them all!
Thanks S19 for the wonderful day.
We shall have ice cream on day together! :)

One day before my birthday, I met up with dear. At first I thought we wouldn't meet up cos dear wasn't really in the right mood. He's been having some bad stuff at work, and it's really really really bad. But dear felt a little better after we talked about it the night before and so I met dear and we went to Harbourfront for break fast! :)

Food wasn't that nice but I guess having my dear's company is more important. My birthday dinner with dear was a little quiet, though. Dear gave me my birthday present beforehand already. Which is a MUFC jersey! So pleasantly surprised by it that I wore it on the day itself. Haha! Dear also treated me to a massage and well, it was pretty good. I almost fell asleep while the lady was massaging me. Haha!

Thank you dear!

So on my birthday itself, I would never have guessed what was in store for me.
It's the best present ever.
Having to celebrate my birthday with my beloved family and also my other half.

There was supposed to be a family gathering at my aunt's place at Woodlands and so, I made my way there with my sister. It was too bad that Ri couldn't follow, cos there were lotsa food and there's KFC! Haha. I smsed dear, saying that there's lots of food here and that I wished that he was at my aunt's place to break fast with me instead of him being at work

After prayers, I was just playing the piano with my cousin when suddenly...... my cousin said that there's someone looking for me at the door.
and TADA!!!
My dearest beloved Muhammad Zahari was there with my birthday cake.
I was like " YOU! YOU! YOU LIED TO ME?!!!"
Haha. I swear it was hilarious.

My aunt and grandma were laughing at me.
Apparently, they've been planning this for well over a month.
And it was no coincidence that the family gathering just happened to be on my birthday.
And that my sayang actually took leave to spend my birthday with me!
I feel so... LOVED!

Best part of all was that my birthday cake was made by dear.
It's a brownie birthday cake.
So we heated it up and then ate it with ice cream.
And now!
I will gain weight after losing at least 2 kg.
Haha!

But it's all worth it.
My parents weren't really there for the celebration cos my mum had to go for appointment with her client.
Last year, my beloved also planned a surprise for me with my parents and my aunts also knew.

I'm feeling so happy right now!
Being with my family and love on my birthday.
I couldn't ask for more.
I'm a happy 19-year old.
(after today, i'm back to being 16 okay. haha!)

So....
My conclusion is.
Being 19 is not bad at all.
I can't thank my friends, family and love enough.

Here's a large thanks to those who dropped me a birthday wish, be it on friendster, msn, sms or facebook.

(Miss Lim, Yue Yun, Shannon, Sharon, Si Jie, Tammy, Lay Hoon, Christina, Fatin, Ahmad, Shahrul, Zarifi, Weichao, Faradee, Fana, Far, Qila, Ika, Kavee, Yueh-Hsin, Tovia, Quratu`ain, My dear student Amalina, Muzz, Yana all the way from AUS, Jun, Rudy, Mike, Li yun, Aisyah, Haneez, Wani, Erika, Alicia, Gerald, Jules all the way from AUS, My cousins, My family, My love.)

Thank you Thank you Thank you!

Simply touched

Too bad birthday girl now has to go back to reading all those lecture notes and books!
Haha!

Once again, many many many thanks to all!
Till then.

Tonight....

2008-09-24T00:45:00.001+08:00

Tonight will be quiet...................

Thanks S19 for the birthday surprise! I'm really touched. Will upload the photos to facebook and update here when my birthday comes!

And then,

Tonight will be a quiet night still.

ANGRY!

2008-09-23T01:49:00.007+08:00

I can't sleep now. I just finished Book 4 of the Twilight Series.
Quite an interesting read, romantic, and nerve-wrecking at times.
A different read from Neil Gaiman.... but I guess Neil Gaiman's novels are much more absurd than that of in Twilight.
Twilight as compared to American Gods is subtle.
Nonetheless, it's a romantic piece, with a happily ever after ending.
And truly a happily ever after ending for they are immortal and well, they don't die?
Hah.

I'm really worried now.
I think it's not fair that things had to turn out this way.
It's not your fault, AT ALL!
It's just so frustrating! So AH!
How can someone not weigh the consequences of his actions on himself and on other people!
It's not fair at all!
How can you be so selfish??
AH!

I'm so angry at you, even when i don't know you, you @*#^@&#*^#@&^#!!!!!!

I only want to be with you now, to comfort you.
How i wished I could protect you from all this.
I love you.

God please protect him.

2008-09-22T22:02:00.002+08:00

I'm so worried for dear now. Something's gone wrong at camp. The moment I hear his voice, I'll be fine again. Right now, nothing can calm my nerves. I'm gonna have a sleepless night.

Please, I don't need a birthday disaster. Oh Allah, protect Ri from any danger that he has to face, any problem that he has to deal with.

I could possibly divert my attention with BS101 and BS102. I hope I can concentrate. I'll wait for your call dear.

Let it be, let it be.

2008-09-19T23:56:00.003+08:00

I guess my parents are really worried about my eldest sister. The person whom my sister intends to settle down with is err...... not exactly how they picture their son-in-law would be?

At this point, i've no idea how i feel towards this. I can understand part of the pain my sister's going through. She has yet to introduce him to dad, afraid that he would just pounce on the guy.

My mum and dad has been babbling about it the whole evening. I guess my sister has to convince my parents. She's coming 26 next year, perhaps she's gotten her call to settle down.

Unfortunately, while they were babbling, they mentioned about me and ri too. They expect a lot out of me i must say. Very pressurising indeed. As it is, school hasn't been the easiest thing to deal with. So the added pressure just doesn't really help at this point. Not at all.

Sometimes I'd wish they would trust and understand me more. If I tell you what my plans are, you'd tell me i'm crazy. They should trust me. I couldn't agree less that studies is very important. It's the key, to my future career. But i'm more than just someone who would lose interest in studying so easily. I'm much more than that. And I know myself better than to just quit halfway.

Perhaps I can't have the best of both worlds now? But I think being happy is important too.
No, don't get the wrong idea. I'm not saying that i'm not happy now. It's just that..... nevermind. I think i'll just leave it be. I don't want to mention it again. I don't want to think too much that it'll ruin everything. I'd wish things would go my way but I guess it's just not as easy as that. I won't bring it up anymore.

Well, let's just look at the bright side of things now. Recess week is here! :) And tomorrow I'm going out to meet dear and a few friends for dinner. Well, recess week or not, one thing that I can't avoid is the load of revision and tutorials that has to be completed.

Oh, and did i tell you that Twilight is quite nice to read? Haha. I am so addicted to it. I can not sleep cos I'm too eager to know what goes on in Bella's life. I guess it's not that easy for her either? Bella's and Edward's romance story is just so..... bittersweet. Haha, like any other vampire-human love story i guess.

Well, must get going now!

And Ais! I'll miss you during this one week break!!! :) Get down on revision k? I hope i do too! Like really, i gotta get my butt working during this break. haha!

Till then,
have a good recess week all!

.................

2008-09-14T22:53:00.002+08:00

Dear Allah,

Please grant me strength to pull through every single challenge in my life.
Please Allah, Please.

please?

2008-09-14T00:19:00.003+08:00

These days you sound quite stressed over work and it scares me at times cos you get really really really serious.

Sometimes I don't know whether to comfort you or to let you be.

Sorry dear..........:(

another cycle of work.

2008-09-11T17:49:00.003+08:00

It's already thursday, 11th day of fasting month.
How fast time passes by us.
Two more weeks, another year older. I feel so old. :S

Sometimes, we look back at everything that we've gone through for the past 19 years.
Some pleasant and some... just not so pleasant.
I hated my childhood, for it was so gloomy and even the mere thought of it is painful to me.
But I don't blame anyone for whatever i've gone through, it's helped me through other bad days in life.

I'm not emo, don't worry.
In fact, quite happy that the weekend is coming near......
even though there's a fresh batch of tutorials to be done.
I think situation in school now's better. More adapted but still struggling quite a fair bit as there's A LOT to revise, i tell you.

Ais said that at the rate in which we are going now, we'd just graduate in the blink of an eye.
4 years, how it'll feel so long when we think of it in one way, can feel so short when we need time to work for us.

I wonder, how would 4 years feel to someone who can't see?
Or how would 4 years feel if I had to study abroad?
Only god knows.

Till then,
Have a great weekend!

i want...

2008-09-11T03:24:00.001+08:00

I want to go holiday.
I want to go travelling.
I want to go Australia, New Zealand, France, Switzerland, Rome, Venice, Italy... Europe!
I want to see the world.

One day.
God willing.
With you.

My mackie and my baby!

2008-09-06T03:52:00.004+08:00

After a year, I listened again to the CDs dear gave to me when he was sorta trying to tell me how he felt for me. I came across this song and was quite surprised that it was on the CDs. I guess i missed out quite a lot when i didn't re-listen to the songs again! Sorry love, Happy 15th!

Every time spent with you makes me happy. :) One day hopefully we can start our own book of travels and even maybe settle down overseas! Who knows? Haha! God willing.

So i finally got my mackie! Awesome just like what dear said it is! Can't wait to try experimenting more with it! Haha!

I'm off for sahur!

Till then!
Lot's of loooooovvvvveeeeee.

growing stronger together.

2008-09-03T23:40:00.003+08:00

Hello everyone!

Sorry if i've been feeling so down lately. I didn't really notice it. That's pretty scary. Come to think of it, I've been quite reserved lately and pretty much isolating myself. Maybe adapting to school life has been taking a toll on me. But I guess things have been picking up a little. I feel tired, no doubt but I guess it doesn't feel so foreign to me anymore.

Anyhow though, I still look forward to Friday cos it's the end of the week and cos I'll be meeting dear. Guess that's the only day that I'll be able to meet him for this week cos of the clashes in our schedule but it's a-okay cos there will be other times to meet him, insyallah. :)

I hope tomorrow I'll be able to collect my Mackey! Guess i'll have to rush from North-spine to South-spine to collect it. haha!

I think lately I've only been ranting about school. Truth is I haven't been going out much either! Aside from family gatherings and all, I haven't been anywhere much. Haven't been going to the movies, haven't been to window shop..... :S I feel so adventure-deprived. I haven't been watching tv much either!! What a mundane life I have, well i hope it's only for now.

Term Break in 2 weeks! Dear, let's go watch movie please. I want to go jalan-jalan! Grrlfrens, let's meet up for break-fast okay? My term break's during 22-29th September! Haha.

I really need to add some life into my life. Wahahahahahahahaha. How weird. Update soon!

Till then.

Week 4 already!

2008-08-29T23:44:00.004+08:00

It's the end of week 4 already. How fast time passes by.
Right now, still feeling that I've not really adapted to the new school environment.
I hope in a few weeks' time I'm more used to the whole uni schedule.

Just now had lab session and it was quite fun despite me being a bit blur here and there.
Tried using the pH probe and the magnetic stirrer. Used the pH probe once in secondary school before but forgot how it was operated and all. Haha! Seen the magnetic stirrer but never used it before. So in all, it was quite a fun experience. Better than last week's practical of which was quite dry and got me having a headache from all the foreign photos.

Tomorrow is saturday! And I'm gonna meet up with dear. :)
Happy! I miss him. This week has been pretty busy for me so I only got to meet him for awhile on Wednesday, of which he watched me complete my tutorial and then send me home. I love you dear! :)

Heading to Suntec for Comex and after that visiting grandma. My youngest cousin is still at my grandma's place so will get to see her again! Haha. She's 3 this year but omg, she's really very talkative for a 3 year old! Haha. I do miss her. Hopefully dear doesn't team up with her and tease me again! He always does that when we go to my grandparent's place and my cousin's there. They'll call me smelly and he'll teach her to pinch her nose and point at me. Bluek!

Just came back from going out with the family. I love my family too. I love my mum, my dad and my sisters. My two elder sisters are at KL, one celebrating her 25th birthday this year. Get married soon la okay Kak Nini! :P

Ramadan is coming real soon. In fact fasting month starts on Monday, of which all of us Muslims will have our predawn meal on Sunday night. I hope this Ramadan brings much blessings to all of us, doesn't matter if it's in terms of wealth, health, happiness etc. On my part, I'd like to seek forgiveness from all my family members, my friends and any others whom I have offended intentionally or unintentionally before. Let's put all the past hatred and enmity behind us and fast with a pure heart, with pure intentions for this Ramadan. Let's do our best for the holy month of Ramadan! :)

Till then!
Have a great weekend and a good start to the fasting month! :)

The gloomy gloomy weather.

2008-08-24T21:00:00.002+08:00

Was supposed to go jamming today but Rico was sick so we didn't. Unfortunately, dear and I were already on the way to Bugis with our stuffs.... so had no choice but to just make our way there. When we reached Bugis it was raining super heavily already!

When we reached burger king to have lunch, both of us were quite wet already. And from then on, it just continued raining and raining.

Was a really gloomy sunday today, so hard to get around with our guitar/bass.

Next week's another school week.

Hope things get better at school.

i'm so sorry about what i said.

Till then.

Living up to expectations.

2008-08-17T23:07:00.003+08:00

The past weekend has been so tiring for me.
I hope my parents understand if i do not wish to participate in family activities cos I seriously need my weekends to finish all my tutorials. Yesterday's trip to Malaysia was terrible. My sister and I lost our passports there cos it accidentally dropped off one of the side pockets in the car. And so I reached home at 6 am in the morning.
I already told her that I didn't want to follow the night before but knowing her, she'd probably try to persuade me into going. So not wanting to put up a fuss/start an argument, i just followed.

Sometimes I think my parents don't appreciate me.
Or maybe that's just how I feel.

Lately I've been complaining that I feel tired.
Especially after teaching tuition, where I would go home feeling like a zombie.
Less than 2 months and I'll have only the brother & sister to teach.
Just have to tahan and help my PSLE tutees right now.

Fact is, I do feel really tired.
Even if it's on a short day at school.
My lessons, on the average, end at around 5.30pm.
I know I'm not the only one who ends lessons this late.
I think they're those that end later.
I just need my parents to give me my own time to adapt to uni life.
They seem to expect me to fit in into uni life easily, of which i'm not able to right now.

My sister thinks being in uni and all is pure fun.
It's fun, but it's not pure fun.
It's hard, getting used to all this is hard.
Parents compare you too.
My sis thinks it's hard being compared to me.
And she thinks that I don't get compared.
My mum always wants to compare me with my mum's friend's daughter, who has graduated and is earning a satisfactory income.
They keep saying that she's so cool, that she's this that, this that.

Sometimes my mum and I are at loggerheads.
She just has her set of ideologies, while I have my own.
I still love her, just that I'd prefer to do things my own way.
My mum, being my mum, wouldn't really hear of that.
And that pisses me off at times. ( quite frequently though :S )

On the other hand, I'm trying my best.
Really trying to keep up with lectures and tutorials.
Not trying to get so worked up and just relax a bit.
Fasting months coming soon, so i guess that'll give me a chance to save up on $$.
Next month i'm turning a year older too.
Looking at the brighter side of things, I now can partially escape housework and well, my mum's starting to cook dinners quite frequently.
Guess sometimes, mum does give me my fair share of liberty.
and I certainly hope, she doesn't feel that I'm abusing it.

Till then,
Have a great week ahead.

sleeping under the stars.

2008-08-15T21:23:00.003+08:00

It's the end of week 2 already.
Time does pass us pretty quickly huh?
Kinda scary.
I'm still struggling with uni life for now.
Well, hopefully, by the end of this sem, i'm able to fully adapt to this whole new environment.

Dear's coming in next year. Can't wait! Haha.
Well, today I was SUPPOSED to have lab session but when I reached school, turns out there wasn't one. -_-
Lab starts next week.

Overall this week has been quite tiring.
Next week is CA/Prelim week for my tutees.
Hopefully they'll do well.
I'm fully booked on Sunday, need to help my student's clear doubts.
Very last minute, but something is better than nothing.

Was looking through some blogs just now and well, I was kinda amazed.
Amazed at how rude people can be at times.
Maybe for different people, how they deal with things are different.
Say if you get offended, why not just tell the person off nicely?
There's no need to make personal remarks on that person on their physical appearances, for example.

Can't believe this.
I hope the person gets a taste of his/her own medicine.
Like really, how the person thinks so highly of himself/herself is despicable!
I can't believe no one ever dares to give her a wake up call.
May the person one dare open their eyes to how some things on the surface are destructible, how god can just take away what they have in the blink of an eye for what hurt/grievances that the person has done on other people.

Till then,
happy weekends!

Wheels on the bus go round and round.

2008-08-06T02:19:00.002+08:00

First day of school was a bummer.

Entered the lecture hall 45 mins late after 3 failed attempts of getting on bus 199 from the Jalan Bahar bus stop.

It was terrible!

No lecture notes, late and feeling all sweaty.

Second day of school was much better.

Went to school on a 2 wheel drive!

Haha, well, dad offered to send me after 2 failed attempts to get on board 172 from home.

Thanks to Ais reminding me that the next day was STARS day, I brought my heavy laptop to lecture just to get an upperhand in selecting the second elective.

So, there! Now i'm taking econs and chinese elective for Sem 1.

Haha! I know, i know. Of all courses?!

There's an exam even for the Chinese elective so i hope, i can do fine for that.

Well, I can practive speaking mandarin with dear maybe?

He's also gonna take up Chinese Language. Lol!

So coincidental. :)

Third Day of school tomorrow.

I think they'll be no problem of me not being able to board any buses cos I have an afternoon lecture slot at 4.30pm.

Gonna study econs again....

Gosh, I hope i can reproduce an A for econs this time.

No more TKS tutorials to look forward to though!

Hmm. I miss TKS' tutorials.

Those fun S19 times. Lol!

So next week, there'll be the IT fair.

Hope things go well!

I WANT MY MACCCCCCCC PLEASEEEEE!

Oh, and i need a new printer as well.

Cos my old printer suddenly gave up on me.

I like that printer so much though!

Been with me for a good ol' 7 years already.

Tomorrow dear's gonna meet me at school! :)

Won't be able to meet him for the rest of the week though.

But it's okay!

We'll get to meet next week before dear has to stay in camp for ops.

Dii will be a good girl and pray for sayang's safety!

Family going to Malacca on Sunday.

Hopefully got sale at Malacca so i can shop for some clothes! :)

Think we'll be celebrating Mum's birthday during the trip as well cos her birthday's on monday.

Think i'll just get her something simple. :)

A little budget this month!

Haha.

Sorry mum, I love you still.

Till then!

Pain in my tummy.

2008-08-02T00:35:00.002+08:00

First ever time i was down with food poisoning. It sucks cos you feel like the dumps after all the vomitting. :(

But i'm feeling slightly better now. No more vomitting and no more diarrhoea. Missed Freshmen Orientation Day and also Lab Briefing so that means i have to go next week. Waaahhhh.

School in less than 3 days!!

But thank god. Week 1 quite slack. :)

Till then!

The road is not as narrow as you think it will be.

2008-07-28T14:41:00.002+08:00

Hi all...

School's starting soon in a week. Already looked at my timetable just now. It looks so-so. But with tuition it'll be a little hectic. Just need to hang on to the 2 students till their PSLE is over cos it's not nice to leave abruptly a few months before their exams. Only a few months to October. After that, I'll be less packed.

Lately, i've been through an emotional roller coaster. Maybe cos I'm only seeing how things are at their worst and not trying to make things any better. I allowed myself to be pessimistic and made myself feel like the dumps.

Not that things are gonna be easy either but maybe I should give more room to believe in myself that I can do it, that we can do it. That no matter how busy we are with work or school, we can still meet in between and all, despite restrictions by our parents. I felt so worried and scared that I didn't give myself a chance to at least think of better possibilities.

I shouldn't be too sad no?

I should be more grateful, that at least i don't meet you once fortnightly. That at least the parents are agreeable to us going out. That at least I still have you.

I still can't help feeling sad though.
But insyallah, i'll slowly get use to this.
Just takes a little more time.

I love you dear.

Back from SBS FOC!

2008-07-22T23:08:00.003+08:00

Hello everyone!

I finally had the mood to blog after I'm back from SBS FOC.

Was darn tired after the camp so really had no energy to update blog.

Lol.

Let's see....

FOC was darn fun!

Let's see... Day one was quite dry.

Didn't go for Pre-camp so I was quite lost at first.

Made few friends slowly.

Don't know why.

Suddenly Dini so shy.

Alamaakkkk....

Blindfolded to meet SP.

My SP's from SP.

Okay la......

Day 2 was a little better.

Had amazing race around singapore.

Run here, run there!

We were fast, slow, fast and then reached Bahtera Camp last.

Very dark dark and scary.

Seniors say got Treasure Hunt la, BBQ la...

But it was actually FRIGHT NIGHT!

Kudos to the programmers!

Fright Night is really darn good.

Like the props, the "ghosts".

The bride in the toilet scared the living daylights out of me.

Thank god it was done in pairs.

Or not I might have to pee in my pants.

Day 3!

Sun, sand and sea!

Went to sentosa for games.

NNG was darn grossssssssss.

We had Initiation Night after on and waah!

Darn dirty with all the flour.

Lol.

Pulling out the flour from my hair was addictive and made me extra sleepy.

Gullible me took off the blindfold last.

Haha!

So Paiseh la.

We had Pool Games and Field Games on Day 4!

Pool games was fun!

And after that, I got really tanned.

And sunburnt on the face.

Pain!

Field Games was quite cool.

Like we had to play the Slide Slide game on the chairs.

And I scrapped my foot against the rough surface.

Quite painful at first, though it looks like a small cut only.

Lol.

And after washing up and getting into smart casual wear,

we headed to SBS for SP Night!

So my SP was Simon.

Simon, my SP from SP.

Haha.

Didn't really talk much with him.

Lol.

Guess he's and ok guy.

After SP night, we had OG supper near NTU.

Really really laugh a lot that night.

Kelvin was entertaining us with jokes.

And the whole table cracked up a lot!

We were really sleepy that we couldn't really figure out his riddles.

Lol.

And Day 5... CLIMAX!

The games were fast, fun games!

Playes with water guns and we looked like CJ7. :)

After all of that, we headed back to SBS to break camp.

Horae got the Programmers Favourite!

Heyho!

SBS FOC's truly a new wonderful experience.

Met lotsa new people in school and hopefully we'll keep in touch.

Though camp was fun,

I miss my family, my dear and my cats loads.

Little sister was happy to see me home and hugged me.

My cat slept with me throughout the whole night.

Dear was so depressed throughout the 5 days.

Was quite worried but he's a-okay now!

Dear planned a movie cum dinner date for us the sat after camp.

So sweet!

Shared so many stories with him.

So glad that we got to meet soon after cos I was going a little crazy from not meeting my other half. :P

On the Sunday, I met dear again and we went for the Trilympics event at Toa Payoh.

I ran with Tammy first and cycled 40 km which made my BUTT sore.

And after that I still had to teach tuition.

So this week, I aim to slack and slack and hopefully pay all the sleeping debts!

Till then.

LOTSA LOVES! :)

How much i love my dear.

2008-07-11T01:29:00.002+08:00

Despite having a long and tiring day, I'm happy.

Cos today, I managed to surprise dear! :)

I woke up early, took 75 to his work place and as if it was all fated, there he was waiting for a bus home. Lucky me, he didn't board the bus that was approaching the bus stop as he saw me across the street.

He was super surprised cos he didn't expect it at all. Since I wanted to have waffles for sometimes now, I went to Daily Scoops at sunset walk. The waffles there are quite reasonably priced. Cheaper than Gelare! I've been here multiple times for the waffles and the brownie with ice cream. I LIKE! :)

We were kinda early cos Daily Scoops opens at 11am. So we just waited at the normal spot where we usually wait. I tried this drink called Dr. Peppers and.... not so nice! Haha!

Sayang's macadamia nut ice cream on top of waffle with chocolate syrup! NICE!

Ri & I at home after guitar session.

After the surprise meet, I went home to get a nap and oh boy! I didn't know I was that tired. Lol. Unfortunately, nap got cut short and I had to go teach tuition at Bukit Batok. Tuition was quite okay though I'm worried for my student cos her English is pretty much deteriorating. I kinda pity her cos she's super stressed now due to the pile of HW she has, on top of tuition and extra classes. I hope things go smoothly for her till PSLE is over.

After tuition, I headed to Lot 1 to meet Ri and had dinner. Wasn't feeling too well cos I haven't been having proper meals. Headed home with Ri and practiced guitar for upcoming jamming session on Sunday. It's been a long time since i jammed. But session was pretty good cos we covered all the songs and sort of came up with something new.

I'm happy cos today, I managed to surprise dear! And believe me, it's not so easy to surprise him. Cos for me, if i planned a surprise for him, he'll sure learn of it fast! Time spent with him is precious, I don't meet him so often so I treasure it so much!

I look forward to UBIN! EXERCISE!!

Till then. :)

No more tantrums!

2008-07-05T03:32:00.002+08:00

Ah.... After a very very long time!

A change of blog skin. HAHA.

Okay, no more tantrums for today.

Afraid of throwing one, and don't really wanna make anyone's day worse.

I'll be headed to Sentosa tomorrow with my dear grrlfrens.

Haven't met up with them for sucha long time!

Today, i managed to accompany ri to Teck Whye to collect his new specs.

He still needs some getting used to.

Well, i think he looks good with it!

No lies ok dear! :)

Thanks for being patient with me dear when i was helluva pain in the neck to deal with!

Thanks for going all the way downhill for the durians dear!

AWESOMELY HEAVENLY!

My whole family enjoyed it. :)

Love you loads.

Ri with his new specs. I think it looks fine!

So till then, off to bed.

I have tuition to teach tomorrow! Ahhhhhhhhh~!

Today, I crumble.

2008-07-03T00:33:00.002+08:00

Hello all.

First and foremost, thanks adek for announcing to the whole world that I just failed my FTT. Much appreciated there.

Today.
Today has been really really bad for me.
Everything just can't seem to fall in place.
Well, as you already know, I failed my FTT.
My BBDC thingy expired so to book another slot, I had to renew it.

When I saw that I failed, that was it.
I just flared.
Cos i thought i could manage the questions but turns out, I was wrong.
It's a BIG disappointment for me really.
Cos I just wanted to get over and done with it.
And now I have to face another round of this FTT.
DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT FTT TO ME AGAIN, I'LL FLARE UP AGAIN.
I just don't know why.... right now, i'm just allergic to thoughts about this.
You can say that I'm over reacting or whatever, I DON'T CARE!

I'm just really tired now.
The rest of the day just hit ROCK BOTTOM.
Well at least for.

Tonight, I will cry my heart out, I really will.
I've been holding it in since 6 pm in the afternoon just now.
I don't care.
I need to cry.

Cos today, i crumble.
I threw tantrums.
I sulked like a spoilt brat.
I was the worst person on Earth that you could come across with.

Today, I was at my worst.

I'm just so tired now. So so tired.
I didn't know sulking the whole day was so tiring.
I hated it, but i just couldn't stop sulking.

Serve me right.
Serve me right.
Serve me right.

Look now.
Who's the fool?
YOU.
Who's alone?
YOU.
Who asked for this?
YOU.
Who? Who? Who?
YOU! YOU! YOU!

Pardon me for being dramatic.
I know that this is not the only way of letting out my anger.
Stupid you, dini.
When people's there to listen to you, you choose to shut out yourself.
So serve you right.

So serve you right.
All you get now is OK. GOODNIGHT. REST WELL.

The thing with things.

2008-07-01T00:24:00.002+08:00

Hello!!

I've been feeling quite lazy to update my blog these days.

I haven't been really busy but i haven't been really free either.
I still have work and the coming ftt to study for.
I hope i pass!

Last Saturday, i went to my grandma's house to pay her a visit.
I arrived quite late and she was a little disappointed cos she already prepared dishes for me and ri.
My grandma's very cool. I love her loads!!
Ri was teaming up with my youngest cousin and he asked her to call me smelly. Boohoo!
After that, we had to rush off to watch a play at the Substation and well, we were late for 30 mins.
To add to our frustrations, the taxi fare wasn't cheap at all. Rawr.

So let's see, Bilik Ahmad (Ahmad's Room).
Well, I wasn't expecting certain scenes from the play.
It didn't disturb me much, no. Just a little shocked, nothing else.
Sad to say, I wasn't so impressed by the play.
Maybe some people would say that you have to go deep to reach to it but naah, it doesn't really invite me to go deep inside.
For me, it wasn't moving.
Maybe on the surface, I roughly understand what it sorta meant.
But if for certain parts, I just couldn't really get it.

Maybe for Bilik, what the writer intended was for the audience to feel uneasy. And okay, i guess he did it. Well, at least it did for me. Haha.

So after the play, we had B&J's from cheers but it was NOT NICE.
A first disappointment for B&J.

Today's my father's birthday!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABA!
Think we're gonna go out for a dinner celebration later.
May Allah bless you!

Till then.
:)

Dumpty dumpty dum.

2008-06-24T19:35:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone!

Finally had a chance to blog.
Holiday to Terengganu was not bad indeed.
I love the food there and accomodation wasn't too bad.
For each night there, we were at different hotels.
The last night, we were at Lake Kenyir Resort and Spa and the room was marvellous!
All of us fell in love with it.
:)

I'm very lazy to upload pictures cos I just came back from teaching tuition.
Yups.
School holidays are over and so, tuition's back.
I seriously have no problem with that cos when there's tuition that means, there's PAY!
I'm so broke seriously.
This month is a bad month to ask me out, honestly. :S

The NTU Freshmen Orientation Package just came and I'm wondering if i should go for any camps.
The ODAC camp sounds really fun cos it's overseas.
There's this muslim camp too.

Anyone out there from NTU going for any camps?
Haha. If you are, do tell me so yeah! :)

I'm off now.
Gotta study for FTT!!

Till then.

Back from the holiday part 1.

2008-06-13T16:50:00.004+08:00

Hello all!

I'm finally back from Phuket.

This post wil be a long cos I just have sooo much to talk about the trip. :)

Day one - Sunday, 08/06/08

Our flight was scheduled at around 4 pm.

Ri came over in the morning so that he can send me off to the airport with my family.

We arrived kinda early at Changi Airport's Terminal 2 so we went to Burger King to wait for Tammy to reach the airport.

At around 2.30pm, we went to check in and waited for boarding time at Polar.

We were flying on Silkair and well, the plane was just so-so.

There's no tv screen in front of our seats so it was quite boring.

The food was okay, i guess.

Still remember what I had.

Chicken with Pasta and 7-up!

Lol.

We reached the Phuket airport at around 5+ Phuket Time.

Phuket is around 1 hour 10 minutes behind Singapore.

When we arrived and had cleared immigrations, we looked out for the agency that was supposed to pick us up.

It was quite funny cos we almost went for one round to search for the person.

Turns out he was waiting for us near the exit and that we passed him cos he wrote this on the card : MR TAN YAN JUN.

Haha! Funny.

The ride to our hotel was quite long.

We reached the hotel almost at 7 pm Phuket Time.

We checked in before going out again to have dinner at Patong Beach.

Our hotel was only 3 star but well, it was fine.

Very basic but it's sufficient for us I guess. :)

For dinner, We all had seafood at one of the restaurants.

The food was quite nice.

Had the usual Tom Yam Goong, Shrimp Cakes, Fish in sauce and bbq-ed sotong!

We walked around the night market there.

Had a funny time looking for shades for Tammy cos we have to look for those kinds that suited her.

After that, we took a Tuk-tuk (those small taxis in Thailand) and headed back to the hotel.

Tam taught me how to play speed.

I was pretty blur.

Haha! But it was fun.

Day two - Monday, 09/06/08

Tammy and I went for breakfast a little late cos we sort of woke up a little late.

We had to wake up relatively early!

We reach the restaurant at 7 am when the transport was picking us up at 7.10 for the Phi Phi Island tour.

Miss Lim was quite mad at us. :S

It was our fault.

We had to eventually pack our breakfast and eat in the van.

I felt super sleepy in the van.

We reached the Rassada harbour and boarded the boat.

Big boat! Lots of ang mohs and koreans.

It was almost a 2 hour ferry trip to Phi Phi Island.

Quite tortorous! and the sun was out.

The boat just brought us past more big big rocks so it was quite boring at first.
But soon we were near clear waters and it was an awesome sight!

The ship anchored and soon people were taking their snorkling gear to snorkle.

I was super excited!! Even miss lim snorkled.

At first it was weird cos we had to breathe through the mouth.

But I soon enjoyed it sooooo much!

A new experience indeed.

Saw all the beautiful coral and fish in the sea.

Some man gave me some bread and the fish were swimming towards me and were even biting me!

Haha! Super cute.

After snorkling, we all went to Phi Phi Island and had lunch at the hotel.

Food was just so-so.

Walked around Phi-Phi Don and got some shirts for dad and ri.

Got myself a fridge magnet too! Lol.

After that we left the island and it was another long, breezy but sunny ride.

We were sleeping cum suntanning in the upper deck.
Gosh. I was sunburnt!

Reached hotel, powdered up and went for dinner at the hotel before the Simon Cabaret Show.

We managed to catch the beautiful sunset from the hotel's restaurant though their service was TERRIBLE!

They messed up the order and delivered the food late.

I wasn't feeling too well cos I felt giddy, as if i was still on the ship.

The Simon Cabaret show was 3 popcorns over 5.

The "ladies" were all so gorgeous that even I couldnt' match up to them!

Really!

They mimicked the dream girls, tina turner and other korean/chinese/english pop stars.

Some of them were good while others were quite mundane.

Went to Patong for awhile and got a coca-cola shirt and then bought Aloe Vera for our burnt faces.

Lol.

We bought cup noodles and Tammy and I had supper in our room!

Watched Garfield The Movie on tv and then went to bed.

Day Three - Tuesday, 10/06/08

Didn't wake up so early today cos the person only picked us up at 9.00 only.

We were off for the Half Day City Tour which wasn't half day at all.

Lol.

We went to this boring honey place where none of us were really that interested. He was speaking in Chinese so Tammy was translating it for me. :P

And then we went to one of the temples. If i'm not mistaken the temple is called Wat Chalon.

By then, it was raining heavily already.

We had lunch soon after at this restaurant by the sea.

We had the thai version of otah and it was very good!

I liked it a lot.

We stopped over at this place after that and then Tammy and I played archery.

I still have the score sheet.

We played terribly.

Lol!

After that we were off to the Tshirt factory but we didn't buy anything.

Had some really nice sweet guava!

No need eat with the grey grey powder. Lol.

After that, it was a blur cos a lot of arrangements had to be made.

Zoom zoom zoom, say bye bye :( and then headed to Phuket Fantasea.

Phuket Fantasea is simply MAGICAL!

I love the whole place, the food from the buffet and the show was le magnifique! The acrobats, the magic show and the traditional dances.

Awesome!

If you come to phuket, you have to watch it.

It's a little pricey but definitely worth the money.

Sadly though, I lost my most beloved watch.

My green Baby-G watch.

I left it in the toilet and forgot about me.

I have no idea why I was so careless!!

still angry with myself.

The watch is special and holds great value to me cos it's a gift.

A very special gift from Ri.

I'm so sorry dear. :(

Tammy and I went back to the hotel and I accidentally fell asleep while she was bathing.

Guess i was super tired! Lol.

Day 4 - 11/06/08

We woke up around 7 plus and packed up our stuffs.

We planned the day yesterday already.

We were on our own today and well, we had to make sure that we didn't come back to the hotel late but still manage to do what we want to do.

We checked out of the hotel and took a taxi to Patong.

We were pretty early cos we reached Patong at 9 am when the shops usually open only around 10 to 11 am.

So, we decided to try out Thai Massage at one of the shops.

200 bhat (less than S$10) for one hour massage.

It was a different kinda massage!

They didn't use oil.

Kinda like they were kneading us.

Some parts were painful.

But overall, it was quite good.

After that, we shopped at the shops by the streets and then we went to JUngceylon shopping centre.

We thought both of us were lost but we were definitely on track.

Yessa!

So we shopped like crazy and had lunch there.

It was raining around 3pm Phuket Time.

We almost got caught in the rain when we wanted to walk to the night markets.

We decided to head back to the shopping centre.

Reached hotel, showered and repacked again. Headed to airport and reached Singapore safely. HOME SWEET HOME!!

Aftermath:

I'll be leaving for Terengganu, Malaysia on Sunday with my Family.

This time round, i'm not gonna splurge like I did in Phuket. Lol.

Overall, this trip has been most unpredictable, i must say.

When I was in sec 3, i travelled once without parents but that was a school trip to KL.

This is different cos we're much on our own with guidance from Miss Lim and her mum.

It's an eye-opening experience and I've had my good & bad times on the trip.
Throughout the trip, I've had some moments where I find myself missing home, my family, ri and my cats quite a far bit but I usually tell myself to make the most out of this.

I wanna thank Miss Susan Lim and her mum for taking care of us during the trip.

We were quite blur blur at first so we're sorry for that.

It was a one of a kind experience.

Thanks a million!

I wanna thank Tammy for the great company though she is sometimes CRAPPY.

Haha! :P

She had her kanchiong moments on the last day but it's all good.

I had fun shopping with you, eating a late night supper in the hotel while watching you go red on Breezer, playing Speed on the first night with you and just chilling out with you! :)

I wanna thank my parents for allowing me to go on this trip and sponsoring half of my trip.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Till then! :)

Where my heart now resides.

2008-06-06T00:46:00.004+08:00

The Travel Book.

Do you remember dear?

Flip the pages slowly, randomly stop the page.

And here we go.

Our destination.

Another addition to our many many adventures together.

A year now!

What more can i ask?

I'm happy.

Happy to be by your side, to have you by my side.

I love you dear.

don't run away.

2008-05-31T01:38:00.002+08:00

I loathe Mondays.
but the weird thing is that I'm born on a Monday.
haha!

I love Fridays, though!
Mostly cos I have my days off on Fridays and that Saturday and Sunday follows it. :)

So today i went out to meet Tammy and dear. Separately that is.
Had lunch with Tammy at Coffee Bean and got the tickets for our flight.
Can't believe that it's next week! lol.

After meeting Tammy, i met dear and I accompanied him for his lunch.
So finally today, Dini and Ari stepped into the new Central Library.
Haha! We got lost at first but we managed to find our way round the building.
Turns out that the collection was at the basement. -_-

Finished up reading My Father's Notebook. It's quite a nice book i must say. Heart-breaking at times but it also has it's heart warming moments. If only the writer didn't stray away from his Faith. It's quite saddening, really.

Ri FORCED me (haha! okay, not really) to watch star trek with him cos he brought his laptop and his dvd collection. I must say, it wasn't so bad. Quite nice actually. Okay la. I shall have a neutral stand between Star Wars and Star Trek okay dear? Lol.

We borrowed books and then we left for dinner at the shop next to Zam Zam. Dear wanted to try out the Ginger Tea (yuck!!) there so we went there to eat. It's not bad. The tea was nice! lol.

How should I put this though?
I've been having some problems lately.
It's been a hurricane ride for me actually.
Some think that I'm worrying too much.
It's in my nature to worry.
Right now, things are getting better though.
Much better.
Slowly, i guess.

I felt quite hurt when I was told that I am being __________.
Guess I've never been told that before cos usually,
I'm not so dependant on people.
Maybe i'm expecting too much?
Hmm.
Naah, I'm not emo now.
Really!

I know that i've crossed the boundaries when all you need is space.
I want things to improve really, very very much.
Maybe things have changed here and there.
That's why I keep asking you those questions often.
You'll have to be patient with me.
I need your patience.
And sometimes, I need your assurance.
But no matter what, I still hope some things remain unchanged.
Please stand by me no matter what.
:)

Till then!
Weekends are here! :)

The calling.

2008-05-30T00:43:00.003+08:00

Sorry for the 'emo' posts lately.
I've been fine really.
Been through tough times, but what are good times without tough times right?

I'll be leaving for Phuket next week. Off for 4 days, 3 nights.
I hope that the cash that i've saved up is more than enough. :S
Maybe the trip to Phuket would be good for me.
I won't be reachable as i don't have auto-roam.
But just sms me or anything and i'll get back to you when i come back.
I know i'll miss home, my family and my cats but it'll be a good experience.

Lately i've been up to nothing much.
Just doing a little bit of research here and there.
Been reading, practicing guitar, teaching tuition, going out a bit and that's basically it.

Till then.

onward.

2008-05-29T01:02:00.001+08:00

NUS FASS vs NTU SBS.

I've already made my choice.
:)

NTU, here i come!
haha.

See all those peeps going to NTU when school reopens!

Till then.

nothing interesting.

2008-05-27T01:10:00.002+08:00

Some things are really complicated.

Like how you don't really like how things are going for now but you know that you'll just have to live through that period so that things in the future will be better.

Sometimes when things get real hard to start to get discouraged and you ask yourself again whether things will work out as you hoped for in the future.

One important thing is to have faith and believe in what will happen.

For me, i'm a loser at times when it comes to this.
I want something so badly, so much.
But i'm just not confident enough to believe, or more scared.
Cos you're scared of failure.
I let this fear take control of me at times and it's bad.
It's really bad.
I've been like this since i was young. Maybe it's cos of how things were when i was young.

But it'll probably be an excuse i guess.
To make me feel better.
Truth is, i can change this.
I can change how i see this.
But change is sometimes hard.
And i'm not that strong.
.........See how i always tend to take one step back?
See the loser in me?

Yeah. Try reading me. Try. You'll get a headache. I get one myself sometimes just figuring myself out.

the end of the road.

2008-05-19T00:41:00.003+08:00

I don't know how to make things better.
I don't know what you want.
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
Ask me something.
My first answer will be i don't know.

I'm so disappointed in you.
Really disappointed.
I don't think only YOU have the right to be hurt.
I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE HURT TOO.

You don't think this has been hard on me?
Think again.
It's been affecting every part of me.

your intellectual equal? :)

2008-05-16T02:06:00.002+08:00

Today's quite a long day. Today's quite an enjoyable day too.
Met Tammy at Far East at noon and had lunch.
She was kinda emo-ing about the NUSBS interview.
Aww girl, it isn't so bad. Don't emo so much ok?
Think about the holidays! haha. :)

After shopping for stuffs for TKS, we went to coffee bean, wrote what we wanted to write and grabbed a drink. It was nice just sitting there and crapping about stuffs. Just a little treat for the troubled mind. Haha. Window shopped for awhile. Must say, what we bought for TKS was pretty cool! Just like the guy. Haha.

Train ride to Boon Lay felt like forever. I had no seat until Jurong East and it was too late to get a little nap. Bumped into Uncle who was emceeing at Jurong Point and went off to teach. The kid i'm teaching looks super stressed. Poor kid. He's bright, though.

Met dear at JP... but dear wasn't really in the best of spirits due to work. I was feeling pretty tired myself. Had dinner and headed for home. Hope work's fine for you tomorrow dear. Don't be too harsh on yourself k? Cheer up! :)

Tomorrow i have to head down to pasir panjang to meet Victor. Wonder what the work is really about. Owh wells, the pay's good. Hope everything goes smoothly. And hope it doesn't rain. Or not i can't go swimming with little sister.

Till then.

if only it could cease.
it's dragging too long already.
don't let anger eat you up.
it's not healthy.
it only burns you inside.
you don't get bigger, you get smaller.
just like ice melting over the flame.

crushed by the big M.

2008-05-13T20:11:00.002+08:00

I'm having so much on my chest now.
It's not great at all.
It's all so bleak.
She doesn't understand at all.
Leaving us alone and asking us to understand.
How long more do you need?
You're not a free spirit anymore like your good ol' days.
Why must you run away ALMOST EVERYTIME when things get rocky for you?

If you knew that you were overreacting, why aren't you correcting yourself after realising it?
And don't go changing the subject.
You weren't there. So who else do i turn to?
Anyone who hears of this would pin you down with their critics.
Cos it's unbecoming of someone who has a responsibility to just leave and think that we can take care of ourselves. Physically, maybe. But emotionally, NO.

In the past, we've always accomodated you. But this time round, we want to speak up. We want YOU to face your problems head on. If you don't become a good role model to us, who would?

I know that you were disappointed and hurt.
It's not entirely anyone's fault.
But if you hang around the problem for too long, you're only making things worse.
When people have all the respect for you then, they might not have it anymore now.

I never said i don't need you in my life.
I'm not all grown up yet.
Even when i'm all married, i'll still need you.
Don't you see it?
Why would be cry and plead to you then?
COS WE NEED YOU!
I still need guidance and all.

I already apologized to you for what i did just now.
I am mad.
And i believe i have the right to be mad.
Ask yourself that.
And my anger just can't sizzle down instantaneously.
I pray for your safe return here.
The rest is up to you.

Sometimes, things can't go your way.
You can't have the win all the time.
And sometimes, you have to mirror yourself before you speak.
Stay humble....
This is what you'd always say.
I think it's time you used it on yourself.

an eye for an eye, makes the world go blind.

2008-05-11T21:35:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, adults can be really childish.
What they claim us guilty of, they themselves commit.
It's human nature i guess.

But sometimes, when we let our emotions get the better of us, things might turn out to bad. And when neither party wants to give in or compromise, that's when everything gets ugly. Thing is, it does not only affect the direct parties involved but also the ones around them.

I hope things get better here at home.
I'll be alright. I'm grown up.
Think of my sister please.
Please don't let ego get in the way.

what if i need you.

2008-05-08T19:47:00.001+08:00

I am bored.
Utterly bored.
Bored.
Bored.

No tuition today. Kid has fever.

Bored.
Bored.

Tomorrow.
Boring again.

Bored.
Bored.

someday, somehow.

2008-05-07T21:12:00.003+08:00

SA1's almost over. Tomorrow's one of the last papers. Phew. Just have to wait for their results. I hope they improve.

The rest of this week is slack. Next week also quite slack.
Think can go out here and there.
But hafta think twice cos i'm saving up for Phuket.
haha.

Not really in the mood to update much.

Why are words so difficult?
I can’t make them flow
Like how I want them to
It’s just not easy for me.

I feel that my words are dead
No rhythm or emotion to it
I can’t find the fire in me
Or maybe the fire has burnt out already.

I can’t keep them under control
Maybe words are not me
Maybe I’m not made not for them
I work better with silence

When words fail me,
My language is my body.
My eyes are my signals
The strongest you’ve ever seen

Till then.

HOLIDAY MOOD!

2008-05-06T01:24:00.002+08:00

Hello peoples.

Today's monday.
And monday means a long long day for me.
Today's was a little longer due to the interview at NUS in the morning.
Thank god i wasn't late and thank god i was clever enough to alight at the right bus stop.
Haha.

Interview was fine.
Quite nervewrecking at first but once i entered the room, it got much better.
The professors were nice and good natured and well, even then, i think i crapped a lot.
It was a good experience. Even if i don't get into NUS, it's ok. I still have NTU.

Happy 11th dear. :)
Though we weren't able to talk much today due to our own schedules, it's still okay right dear?
I know what you'll say when i ask you this. Hehe.
Can't wait to meet you tomorrow sleepyhead! :P
I miss you!

Till then. :)

hello little bumblebee.

2008-04-30T02:53:00.001+08:00

Hello peoples.

I felt like blogging again today.
Just felt like it.

Tuesday has been alright.
I suddenly miss going out shopping.
I haven't really window shopped for stuffs.
But i don't exactly feel rich either.
And there's always this fear that the shopping list will grow longer.

I wonder how i'll cope during uni years financially.
I'll definitely will still have to work.
As in teach tuition.

Feeling broke is not nice.
:S

Till then.

A very long engagement.

2008-04-28T02:37:00.003+08:00

Hello peoples.

A new week comes again for all of us.
May it be one that is fine for all.
Think most of those who are working are looking forward to Labour Day.
For miss dini, I still have work on Labour Day.

Let's see.
This week will be a little busy for me.
It's the SA1 week.
I might have to have extra lessons.
But it's all good.
For my tutees.

I think after SA1's over, i can relax again.
Plus, i'll be cutting one tutee down.
Cos i think i have too much to handle already.
Lesser pay indeed.
But it's okay.

Till then.
Hope you all have a good week ahead!